The last few years have been difficult if you call yourself a feminist. The confirmation hearings of Brett Kavanaugh made me nauseous with the scary déjà vu it gave me of the Clarence Thomas hearings. Again, as when I realized who won in the last US Presidential election, I felt great despair at how we continue to face the same things, again and again. It is in the frame of mind that I set to read Rebecca Slotnit’s Men Explain Things to Me. This collection of essays begins with the tale of Slotnit being at a party and a man began explain a concept to her from a book he just heard about. In the middle of the lecture, Slotnit’s sister exclaims that the book he was referencing was, in fact, the one that Slotnit had just published. That did not, however, stop the man from continuing to explain what Slotnit should know about the subject, as though she did not write the book.
This phenomenon is not something that is surprising to any woman, especially if the woman works in a “male” dominated profession. Slotnit took this experience and began to dig into the ever raging gender wars. She argues that the fight on the sanctity of marriage is actually about equality. Historically the woman’s existence ceased when she married – she lost her name and her rights, living by gender roles that deem women less than men. It is the need to perpetuate this power dynamic that refutes that marriage is a partnership of equals with equal rights and responsibilities. Slotnik continues through various stories until uncovering that women have had their voice taken, even when it cried out “he is going to kill me.” The grisly numbers provided on the percent of women that are facing violence and death at the hands of men are mind boggling.
As Slotnit’s essays explore the language of violence against women and the ownership of blame, I become indignant. Why are women told to stay away from places, don’t dress a certain way, stay home after dark? Why are men not told to keep away from women after dark, stay home to avoid hurting or scaring someone? Women are continually being told to stay away as though it is their fault for the men coming after them. I remember the old “Take back the Night” marches and the “I believe Anita” shirts. I also remember the fear I had walking at night to my home after working late at work, and still have when alone at night on my way to my car. The #MeToo movement, while starting an interesting conversation for me and my teenage daughter, was just another reminder that women continue to struggle to be heard, believed, and supported.
The Kavanaugh hearings again highlighted that regardless of the stature of the woman, she is the one that is on trial when speaking out for her rights. The most effective manner of defending this is to make the woman question herself, and others of why we should ever believe a woman who would be mistaken because she was hysterical or some other reason that was why she didn’t say/do etc. In this world, with this type of stacked deck against a woman, Taylor Swift was sued for reporting that David Mueller had touched her inappropriately, for which he lost his job. Three years later, after watching her mother and others be badgered and bullied by Mueller’s lawyer, Swift reported that she was mad going to the stand to testify. When asked if she had feelings about Mueller losing his job, she responded with such strength that women everywhere applauded her
“I’m not going to let you or your client make me feel in any way that this is my fault. Here we are years later, and I’m being blamed for the unfortunate events of his life that are the product of his decisions—not mine.”
And yet, this week there was another report of a model minding her own business doing laundry that was attacked by a man grabbing her, all caught on video. There continues to be these attacks on women, their rights, their voice, and their bodies. But in the end, Slotnit makes a point of showing that the genie is out of the bottle, the idea that women have a voice, a right and a strength is out. While we are far from the end, we are moving in the right directly. Keep the faith and don’t go back. Just keep plugging forward. I will do just that, and search for more of this author’s compelling writing.
The Source 4 Books 