books, read around the world, reading

Bookpacking the World

I have been thinking a lot about travelling lately.  It’s not something I do that often anymore. At one point in my life I think I was on a plane at least once a month.  Now that the kids are home from camp, all they want to do is go away.  And they have plenty of ideas of where to go (and no concept of what it costs.)  Of course, I translate this to reading – that’s what I do.  I started to think about where I have read in relation to where I have been.

Thus far, I have identified that I have been to 10 countries, 18 states, and 30 cities (that I count as “visited”) but I will probably remember more.  After doing a fast review of my completed titles, I seem to be centered on fiction located in Asia, Middle East, Europe and North America.

Books set in Asia tend to be focused on China or India.  These cultures have always fascinated me.  The deep history, and the struggles between the sexes and classes are an endless source for tales of strength and redemption.  Recent favorites from here include Lisa See’s The Tea Girl of Hummingbird Lane, Camron Wright’s The Rent Collector, and Nadia Hashimi’s The Pearl That Broke Its Shell. These stories touch upon the struggles of being women in cultures that do not value them, as well as the difference between the “haves” and “have nots” in those societies. They do not, however, leave you feeling downtrodden, but with hope for a better future.

While the battles between the sexes are not as pronounced in Europe, the number of stories that have captivated me remains a big draw.  With the focus on the royal family, with births, weddings, retirements and more, I have been reading some fun fictionalizations about the Queen.  Mrs Queen Takes the Train and The Uncommon Reader are perfect if you want to see the Queen in a very human light.  For a wonderful fictional account of the history of England, there are few (if any) that could challenge Ken Follett’s Kingsbridge Trilogy (Pillars of the Earth, World Without End, and A Column of Fire), or his more contemporary Centuries Trilogy  (Fall of Giants, Winter of the World, and Edge of Eternity).  Zadie Smith’s On Beauty takes on the ever present challenges of race differences, JoJo Moyes takes on love and rights, and the plentiful mysteries set there make it easy to find a book located there.

For books set in the Middle East, I have focused on Afghanistan and Israel.  The beautiful yet sad reality that is brought to life by Khaled Hosseini is made more poignant with each book he writes.  The Kite Runner and And The Mountains Echoed, while amazing, are actually not my favorite. A Thousand Splendid Suns continues to resonate with me, years after I finished it.   And as the wars have scarred Afghanistan, reading modern Israeli writers show that the years of conflict have taken a toll on the psyche of the Israeli people. Bethany Ball illustrates this well in What to Do About The Solomons, as does Edeet Ravel in One Thousand Lovers and Look for Me.  Capping this is the memoir written by Laura Blumfeld Revenge: A Story of Hope, that illustrates how complicated the hatred between people can be.

And while I have not focused a large amount on Africa and South America, I have read books based there, also.  Favorites in Africa include Americanah, Things Fall Apart, and Poisonwood Bible. Beautifully written, complex emotions and cultural structures are explored and explained within the pages of these books.  In Latin America, I have just finished Ten Women, and will continue to explore titles in this region to continue to expand my cultural horizons.

I will continue to seek out books centered in other cultures, because I live in a world that keeps shrinking.  We need to know as much about other people as possible, because we keep bumping into everyone on the tiny planet of ours.

ball shaped blur close up focus
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books, reading

Bringing everyone home

As I had prepared for sending the kids away to camp, I am now preparing to bring them home.  I have been busy cleaning their rooms, closets and bathroom.  I have found too many empty candy wrappers, used toothbrushes, and countless unidentifiable objects that I am sure will be the only things they will look for when they come home.  I am fully prepared for the anger and upset that I am dragging them from their happy place before all their friends leave, and the anger and upset that house rules don’t have a summer vacation.  I am fully prepared to hold them tight for as long as they let me, and smile as they slam the doors to their rooms.  Ah, life will be back to normal.

That means back to normal for me, as well.  As I look back on the last 3 ½ weeks, I realize I have done less reading with them gone than when they are here. I spent more time with my husband, and we actually interacted with each other.  We went to concerts and museums. We took long walks (with the dog), went flea market shopping (with the dog), and even tried aerial yoga (without the dog).  And while I did get some good time in at the community pool reading, it was at a much more relaxed pace.

So, why do I read less when they are not home? Not for lack of interest. But it seems that I have an additional priority when they are home – modelling for them the fact that there is more to life than Netflicks,  Fortnite, trolling, and all that other online stuff that I have no idea about.  The key to this, and most things, is balance.  I need to connect to my children and husband (and dog) and not hide behind books.  I need to model alternative choices to electronics.  I need to read for my pleasure, but know its ok to watch a bit of television at times (too bad I don’t know the netflick’s password).  And hopefully, my kids will start sharing with me what they are reading or doing, too.

relaxation forest break camping
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books, reading

To book group or not…..

What is a book group?  Is it a place where people come carrying the book reverently to make sage pronouncements on someone else’s story? Dissect it with the skill of a surgeon, laying the structure and content out for all to examine in a slightly different way.  Or is it a group of people who come with bottles of wine, heaps of food, and, if remembered at all, a well-worn book?  Is it none of the above? Or all of the above?  For me, the answer is all of the above.  Each grouping of people bring different experiences, expectations and egos to the room.  The key is knowing your audience, and yourself.

When I was young, I discovered that I loved sharing my ideas about books I had read with others.  Part of this love, however, was that I was showing off my ability to see the depth of the books, parse the content and dissect the structure. I joined a group that met at a bar (The Colorado Library if you can believe – on the East Coast!!) and read The Bend in the River, The Remains of the Day and Palace Walk.  We were cosmopolitan and globally minded and our reading reflected this view of ourselves.

I then began leading a book group for a volunteer organization to help a community center in the city build a library for their neighborhood.  How perfect – mixing my love of learning with a group of people that were working to make life better for others.  We chose provocative titles, biographies, memoirs and novels, opening me up to new writers.  A Long Walk To Freedom by Nelson Mandela, Caucasia by Danzy Senna, and The color of water by James McBride.  I had grown to expand my reading and what I defined as my community.

After a few years, that group disbanded (the library opened), and I took a break to have kids and read Sandra Boynton, E.B. White and JK Rowling.  Once I finished the Harry Potter series aloud, I was ready again for a book group.  I began leading a group of women that focused on Jewish topics – past, present, and future.  I approached this as I did the last one, but it never fully realized that scholarly tone I had thought was needed, because I had grown to realize it was not needed to convey my messages.  Each discussion began about the book, and evolved to other things, like politics.  I was actually fascinated to learn that a nuclear scientist in the group thought the Iran Nuclear Deal was a good one, and cited scientific facts for why.  And I am so very glad that I started this group with a bottle of wine, macarons, and an assortment of petit fours to match The Paris Architect by Charles Balfoure.  That caught on, and we had a ball.

Fast forward a few year, and at a social event I became re-acquainted with someone who was involved with the Goodreads community.  I joined up, and have been having fun with that, too.  I am now invited to a real life group that will be reading a heavier book, The Heart’s Invisible Furies by John Boyne, and I am excited to meet and talk to smart people.

And one night I was on my friend’s porch with a group of friend.  I looked around and I saw a group of incredible women that were all pursuing life with passion and wanted to make connections with others.  That night I decided that I would launch my own group – which still needs to be named – where we would pick deliberately lighter books and use the time together to “discuss the book” – heavy on the “” -and make our own community.  And so, this past week I gathered friends from different places in my life, opened a bottle of wine, put out cupcakes, and let the conversation flow. And while we didn’t do the book any justice with an examination, we had a great time.  And agreed that the next meeting will be at an ice cream parlor.

So when you are invited to a book group, don’t always feel that you need to have read a book completely and are ready to analyze it from stem to stern.  Sometimes it’s okay to just use that time to be together.  And just like choosing who you play golf with – make sure you have the right group to make sure it meets your needs.  Because sometimes, it’s just good to pick up the ball and walk to the next hole while enjoying your friends.

adult celebration cheers congratulations
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books, reading

Facebook Book Challenge Explained

This past week I was challenged by a friend (thank you Deb) to identify 7 titles that I have loved at some point in my life and to post them on facebook, challenging another friend to do the same.  At first glance, this should not be so hard, right?  I love books, I read books, I share titles.  Well, the hard part is narrowing this down to 7, and not explaining why these meant enough to me to post.  Thus, I will explain here, in my own space and on my own time, and in no particular order.

A Yellow Raft on Blue Water by Michael Dorris

I read this book when I was just out of college.  I was opening up to the world, and realizing that it didn’t always revolve around me, and what I perceived as reality.  When you read this, you are faced with the perceptions of what you believe is real, based upon your own experiences.  Even if you believe you know someone’s story, you are never fully let in.  The story is of 3 generations of Native American women.  Each story is from their viewpoint, and provides light on the same world in a different way.  As these stories are interwoven, as are the lives of these women, the structure of the book actually mirrors the braids that these women are always working on for each other.  Three parts, the middle one the thickest, and the two outside ending at different places.  The perfect metaphor for this family’s story.  Nominated Lesley because this is about learning who you are and where you came from.

The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett

I remember my mom presenting me with this book, and I felt very grown up.  She was handing me a big chapter book and telling me about how much she loved the story.  I have no idea if she presented the book to my sisters, or if they even read this, but the story transported me to another world and I was hooked.  The grown up themes of belonging, acceptance, fear and forgiveness are all enchanted in this garden.  I still dream of finding one just for me.  I just updated the dream so it will weed itself.  Nominated Jill because she loves her gardens, and her books. 

The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein

This children’s book is a staple of youth group friendship circles.  The theme of giving all of yourself to someone that doesn’t see what you are giving, is the wakeup call to be aware of your friends and family.  Many a group hug on this one at the end of a conclave! Nominated Ali because she has experienced those friendship circles. 

The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway

This is a story which many scholars and readers alike point to as a chauvinistic bible.  While the emerging Code of a Man is outlined here clearly for all, there seems to be missing a focus on the fact that not only was Jake Barnes the man’s man, but Lady Brett Ashley lived by the code too.  This strong woman lived as she wanted, regardless of convention. Although Hemingway treats women badly, there are a number of strong woman in his writing to make me believe that he needed a strong woman to help him be strong.  And it is that strength that drew me in.  The mechanics of the writing, however, are what kept me.  The tight, compact sentence structure and laser focus are what I love in this writing.  How much punch can one line leave?  Hemingway may have stolen this style from Sherwood Anderson, but “Papa” perfected it beautifully.  I nominated Tracey because we use to drive around in her mom’s yellow Cadillac when I fell in love with his writing, and when I think of a strong woman, she is that and more.

The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver

The story of a family of missionaries, led by the Nathan Price, an evangelical Baptist minister, and their quest to “civilize” the savages in 1954’s Belgian Congo.  The things they brought with them, especially the arrogance of the western world, brings calamity to them and the village they inhabit.  Each of the four daughters leave the experience changed, just as the world was changed by that era.  It was the arrogance that caught my attention.  It was at this time that I began to believe that the USofA was being arrogant in expecting others to accept our help and become exactly like us, without considering what they were or wanted to be.  It was this arrogance, I believe, that has led the world to the dual love/hate relationship with our country – they want to be here for freedoms, but want to maintain parts of their culture also. Nominated Sam because of the beauty of language and survival instincts shown. 

The Source by James Michener

If you have read the “About” section of my blog, you know that this book means a lot to me.  I actually read this book in high school.  At over 1088 pages (Yes, I still remember that number!!!) I was led through an archaeological dig, with each layer’s story laid out before me.  I loved the digging and piecing together of the worlds that no longer exist.  It fueled my understanding of the depth of our collective history, and the fragility of it surviving. Nominated MB because of your love of history and desire to learn from the past. 

The Cellist of Sarajevo by Steven Galloway

I started to read this book as the civil war in Syria began.  The beauty and simplicity of the single act of playing music transcending all the hatred around them was breathtaking.  If we all were able to stand for beauty, and put aside the anger, there is a humanity and creativity that we should be protecting.  By simply showing up, this act of defiance in the face of certain death, and choosing beautify over pain left me moved and saddened by the vision of this cello echoing against the rubble of bombed out buildings.  Nominated Meghan because it shows that there is calm in the middle of craziness.  All you need to do is listen to the music and you will be saved.

I challenge you all to remember a favorite book and find a match for someone to recommend it to.  Its great to share good things sometimes.

books, reading

While the kids are at camp, I feel…..

I have just returned home from dropping my kids at camp.  They are gone for the next four weeks.  I am home with the dog, but the house is so silent.  I miss them so much.  I also am relieved that I have the house to myself for now to try and finally get it cleaned and organized.  As parents are dropping their children off, there are so many emotions swirling, you never know what to feel.  The first day for me is always the hardest – I miss them, but feel guilty that I don’t miss them enough.  It was in this state of mind that I finished Alice Hoffman’s Faithful.

At its core, this is a story of what happens in the blink of an eye.  One action sends waves of reactions  that are irrevocable and life changing.  That is what happens when Shelby crashes the car, and her best friend Helene is damaged beyond repair.  Carrying that guilt, Shelby breaks down mentally, and is brought back by the love of her mother and messages sent to her on postcards.  These postcards seem to know what she is thinking and feeling.  And they help her survive.

If this is what you call surviving.  As Shelby learns how to be in the world again, and allows herself to let people into her life, she takes small steps, with Ben Mink, and larger steps, first with stray dogs she “liberates” from a homeless man, then Maravelle and then Maravelle’s children.  As each person makes their way into her life, the protective coating she has created begins to wear thin.  And she begins to care about other people.  When she takes her first steps to choose someone, she makes a mistake with Harper Levy, but learns from this.  All along she feels that she gets what she deserves.

As she continues to make a way toward finding herself, she finds a passion, taking care of animals, and commits to it.  She comes to peace with her mother, who protected her as best she could during the hardest times, and learned that she was someone’s everything – something she never thought she was worth.  And she finds James – the writer of the postcards.

The story is a journey of forgiveness to yourself.  While Maravelle and her kids don’t believe she needs that, it is ultimately Teddy who hears her story due to his pain.  And while Ben can’t understand the pain, he tried to be there, but never really understood.  James, however, lived that pain everyday.

Ultimately what this story told me was that we are our own harshest critic, the least forgiving and the most vicious.  If we could be as kind to ourselves as Helene’s father was to Shelby when she came to say goodbye, it would be a must less self-destructive world.

And so, I will not feel badly for being glad my children are in their happy places, even if that is defined as somewhere without me.  I will embrace the strength I have given them to know they can venture out safely, that I am always here for them to come home to.

books, reading

June a month for weddings and family dysfunction

Families are complex organisms.  As Tolstoy stated in Anna Karenina “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”  And unhappy in its own way usually brings an excellent story, although today I will not be delving into Tolstoy.

This week I read Family and Other Catastrophes by Alexandra Borowitz.  An anxiety-ridden daughter, Emily, flies from San Francisco to New York’s suburbs for their wedding weekend.  Her fiancé’s family is not far from her own, making it the right decision for them.  Over the course of the week, Emily is forced to endure “family therapy” administered by her mother the psychologist to address “lack of gratitude the siblings have for their parents.”  Brother Jason, a newly divorced playboy has returned to his childhood home, and sister Lauren, the militant feminist, political correct sister with her son Ariel and partner Matt are also residing there.  These two siblings agree, because the parents have taken them in.  Emily agrees to simply keep the peace.

Throughout the novel’s interior/exterior conversations, as the protagonist changes with each chapter, you not only see the truth in each person’s real existence, but they start to view themselves though a looking glass instead of a funhouse mirror.  Each person, starting with Emily’s mother’s passive aggressive need to be at the center of attention, Lauren breastfeeding her 3 year old son, keeping him co-sleep with his parents as a means of avoiding intimate contact between her and Matt, Jason’s on the make lines that go nowhere.

Please note, however, that David’s family is not left out on the dysfunction.  With a stepmother that is very pleasant, but not all there, and a father that is distant, David is in no way like his brother, Nathan, who lives in his father’s basement playing video games, stalking women while believing to be “protecting” them with his chivalry.  Add to it the stress of trying to be the next big something in tech, organizing a wedding, and the stress levels keep elevating.

Sounds a bit like most families – right?  Maybe not the specifics of who does what, but the stress of expectations, eagerness to please, and fear of what might be are universal.  What family isn’t going through a bit of growing pains now that the school year has finished?  Kids are moving up a grade and expect huge changes in their world because of this. Even though they are still the same age as they were the day before. We all need to keep our heads on, remember the big picture and treat each other with kindness and acceptance.

One by one, we all come to terms with who we are at the core.  Jason makes peace with his ex-wife Christina; Lauren admits to Matt she doesn’t love him; Matt leaves when the answer was not what he wanted, and Nathan finally finds a friend.  And at the core, a family that tries to protect each other, even when not liking each other too much.   Emily, viewed as the broken one has found David.  He finds her broken in places that he understands, and she is able to help him with his wounds.  Together they confront the fears and move forward.

Like a real family, it is messy and can be cruel, but in the end, they show who they really are and pull through like you never expected.

book-review, books, memoir, Non-Fiction, reading

Happy Father’s Day

I never had a pet, besides goldfish, until I got married. I married a man who was totally devoted to his 2 cats, which I was allergic to. We agreed that since they were 8 years old, we would keep them and then be a pet free family. 5 years of immuno-therapy, daily doses of allegra, advair and the more than occasional hit of ibuterol, and the cats were still going strong. We lost Amanda at the age of 18, and Jessica was a faithful companion for 21 years.
That was 2013.

My husband and children went into mourning, but also started a subtle war of hints. Finally, in the spring of 2014 I was persuaded to go to a shelter, on the context of donating the litter and food we had left, and take a peek at the kittens. There my husband fell in love with Pistol Annie. Within minutes of me touching her, however, I began to wheeze. That was when my husband’s dream of adding to his cat history ended. That was also the day he became determined to convince me to get an “allergy free” dog.

For Father’s day, I read the memoir of the best friend any dad could have – Marley & Me by John Grogan. John and his new wife Jenny start their life together, kill a plant and then decide to adopt a dog to practice before having kids. They fall in love with a yellow lab, whom they named Marley. Marley stories from puppy-hood through adulthood, and all the changes that the family went through over that time, are chronicled in honest and loving detail, including the story when the dog was so terrified of thunder that he ripped apart a door to get in from the garage, through plaster and all. Not sugar coated, but told with love.

As most pet stories end, they are gone well before we are ready. This tribute to the dog, what he taught and what he took, reminds us all of the undying love and devotion, selflessness, and fun they play in shaping our lives.

Happy Father’s day – and thank you for providing all your undying love and devotion to us, your family.

books, reading

Love of Libraries

I am a great supporter of my local library.  Over the last 5 years 80 – 90% of the books I have read have come from the library.  I have not purchased a book in a number of years. I had NO idea what happened to prices.  Today, I went in to a bookstore, found the book I wanted, and went to the register.  Much to my surprise one paperback book came to $18.  Now, I am lucky enough to be able to purchase this without much concern, but holy cow!  At these prices there is a large number of people that would not be able to do so.  Which leads me back to the idea of the library.

My public library’s name is actually “Free Library”.  Back in the day, only those that could afford a subscription to a library were allowed to borrow books.  That, however, is not true any longer.  Although people can forget these places as a resource, the doors are open, both virtual and real, in order to give you access to the world via media formats (book, ebook, audiobook, video, etc.)

Back in the 1970s there was an episode of “Happy Days” when the Fonz got a library card.  After that there was a significant jump in new library card requests. How much of the country, or world, does not know what is available to them at no cost? How many worlds would this open up for people who see nothing but pain, obstacles and despair?  And with the fragmentation of media, where would this type of thing be most prominent?  Maybe the Kardashian family should take the kids to the library instead of a fashion show – watch how many other families would do the same.

Back to the free library – I have loved them since I was first introduced to them as a child.  Reading, of course, was highly valued in my family.  My sisters and I all worked at the public library throughout high school, and I even worked in one throughout college.  To me, these are safe, happy places where I can find a million different ways to solve a problem, change a mood, or lend an empathetic ear to characters, and myself.  And although I no longer own the books that I have borrowed, I am happy to send them off into the world to touch others.  The books I keep are a reflection of who I am and how I got here. I know that there will never be enough bookcases to hold all of my books.  And I have books for me, my kids and books my kids outgrew that I am saving for grandkids.  The goal is to have Grandma’s house be a lending library, too.  Just as long as it doesn’t have to open any time soon!

books, reading

Picking titles to send to camp

When on earth did it get to be June?  Now I not only need to choose books for me, but for the kids to take to camp.  This is my opportunity to try to influence their love of learning new things and of trying something else.  See, the camps my kids go to are sleepover camps, with no electronics allowed except MP3 players with no video and “quite” time each day when they are encouraged to read. The beauty of this is many layered, but the stress of finding something appropriate, and not embarrassing to the teens I am sending, places that bar very high on stress to get this right.

So, how do I get my kids to read things that are important, impactful, and not embarrassing?  I trick them.

Last summer my daughter was preparing to enter high school.  I am aware of the things they are surrounded with, and the temptations that are there.  Without being too preachy about the perils of drugs, I selected Go Ask Alice for her.  She was thrilled that it was a grownup theme that she could relate to, and that was still relevant in this world. I know I read this in high school, myself, and I still remember some scenes vividly.  It opened a conversation for us, which had been my goal.

My son, however, was going through an “I hate reading” phase, so I found as many I Too Funny books and comics to send as I could.  My belief is that I don’t care what you are reading, just read.  And sometimes I need breaks from the heavy reads too.

I digress, however.  I am now struggling with what to send, and what to tell Grandma to send as packages.  My boy, now 13, loves fantasy and action.  A friend of his read The DiVinci Code, so he read it too, surprising himself by enjoying it.  Based upon that, my mind went right to Tom Clancy.  My boy will be receiving The Hunt for Red October from my parents within the first week of camp.  I am thinking along the lines of The Last Days of Summer, by Steven Kluger.  An entertaining story of a fatherless boy reaching out to the all star 3rd baseman of the NY Giants, as told from the letters to each other.  This story of persistence and generosity, all with a sense of humor, can teach about how you can learn from each other and how important it is to choose who you rely on.

My daughter, however, will be getting Speak from Grandma. Since this content is hard, I am hoping that getting it from Grandma will help.  Regardless of how strong she thinks she is, and how far the world has come, the violence against women and girls remains a fact.  Just read the headlines.  Learning when and how to speak for yourself is a lesson we all need to be reminded of.  So that means something a bit lighter from me, just to balance off.  That leads me to any one of the following (still not sure which to choose): Anna and the French Kiss, The Help, Just one Day, Since You’ve Been Gone  or Cinder.

Please comment with any suggestions you may have.  If not now, there are plenty of opportunities to put them around the house to be picked up….

books, reading

Philip Roth’s Impact Remains

With the passing of Philip Roth this past week, I was struck by how much I remembered from his work, specifically Portnoy’s Complaint. It is just by chance that this past week I read a book that was reminding me of this book, but was nowhere as well done as the original.  In the original, Roth’s central character speaks to his psychoanalyst, describing his life as a series of conquests, but no meaning or destiny.  The book explores sexuality, assimilation, Israel and the concept of a Jewish family.

All these traits are also examined in Howard Jacobson’s prize winning novel The Finkler Question.  The central character Julien Treslove takes a similar tale, but from a different vantage point.  Where Portnoy is Jewish, Treslove is not.  And while there is no psychoanalyst bearing witness, it is two friends from school who are.  On his way home from a dinner reminiscing with Finkler and Libor, Julien is mugged. The woman that takes his belongings is believed to say “You, Ju.”   As he ruminates on this, we are given a glimpse into the obsession he has on Jewishness, or what he calls Finklerness.  Just as in Roth’s book, we are then given the history of Julien’s conquests (or failures as they all left him), the concern of assimilation, the question of our right to judge Israelis, and ultimately, what is a family.

While Jacobson’s work had very interesting takes on the question of Jewish identity, he is not Phillip Roth.  While the work was well written, at times it seemed overwrought and a bit long winded.  Roth had been able to alleviate the banality of the story at times with a dry wit, but the Jacobson book was missing that key ingredient. Intentional or not, these parallels were plain for me to see – and I started the book before news of Roth’s passing had been announced.

It is this “coincidence” that pushed me to look more deeply into the parallels of these books.  I am now more impressed with the Jacobson book, as I view it as a nod to the greatness of the plot and structure of Portnoy’s Complaint.    And more impressed with Roth, since the work is still so relevant to have inspired me to make these types of connections with a book written so much later than the original.