Category: Family Drama

book-review, books, Family Drama, Middle Eastern, read around the world, reading

The world of Henna makes a mark

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Henna House / Yemen

Set in 1920’s Yemen, this is a story of a small but distinctive Jewish community in Yemen. There is a law called the Orphan’s Decree – if a Jewish child’s father passes away, even if there are other relatives, the government can take them away and place them in a Muslim home to be converted immediately. This law has stolen many children, and marriage arrangements for children as young as 2 have been made in order to try to prevent this from happening. It is in this world that we are introduced to Adela, the youngest girl in a Jewish family with a father seriously ill.  Adela’s mother, who beats her regularly, delayed the search for a suitable match, but at the age of 6, a high ranking official in the government has made it clear that he wants to take her as a present for his wife.

When Adela father’s condition worsens, the task is undertaken. After three failed engagements, Adela is considered “cursed” as tragedy befell all that agreed. Her father’s long lost brother arrives with his son Asaf in tow. An engagement is arranged. The child Adela begins to allow herself to fall in love with her betrothed. Her adoration of Asaf was mixed with confusion of his hiding his ritual side hair in order to ride horses, something forbidden by law for Jews.  The uncle and Asaf leave abruptly to seek greater fortune, with no goodbyes. 

Another uncle falls from grace and arrives with his family. He was a wealthy merchant that came to folly because of superstition over his wife, a famous Henna artist. It was rumored that she caused a woman to die because of the charms she wrote in the henna art that was drawn before a wedding. This brought the two families together and provided a sister for Adela. They became inseparable. Adela learns the Henna art over years of helping her aunt and cousin, which introduces her to a greater world outside her village. Marriage comes to the girls, and things that drew them together now pull them apart. Jealousy and deceit create pain for the entire family.

The lives of the two cousins represent the choices that Jews of that time were making – do you leave your home village, forsake the heritage you were brought up in and build a new fortune, or do you cling to the old ways while you build a future uniquely your own? Each avenue leads to peril, but some stories should not have ended the way they did.   

Henna is a way to create beauty for someone’s life. It is a celebration. When it is used for other things, then the magic can take on darker meanings. To mark someone with pain is to write your own tragedy. To receive the painful message on your skin may seem temporary, but the marks will remain forever. In order to release herself from the power of the henna, Adela wrote her own story. It is a story of emerging from a life that was existing in the past and arriving in a future that no one ever expected. Leaving the village in Yemen, where running water did not exist, and emerging from the dessert in Palestine at the dawn of a new country in the matter of months was as jarring as the reality that the Hani, her cousin found in Europe. 

The story, while slow to unfold, follows the speed of life in Yemen. The resolution and revelations near the end speed up as Yemen and Adela are thrust into modern times. The language is beautiful, and like a henna this left a mark. Family can be both salvation and destruction. Ultimately, the choices each girl makes leads them to their own futures.

African Experience, book-review, books, Family Drama, read around the world, reading

Baking Cakes and Burying Hoopies

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Baking Cakes in Kigali / Rwanda & When Hoopies go to heaven / Swaziland

Baking Cake in Kigali is in a similar vein as the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency. Meet Angel. She makes the most wonderful cakes. She has started this business while her husband Pius is a special consulting in Rwanda, rebuild the country after the genocide. They are not from Rwanda, they are Tanzanian. Angel and Pius are raising their five grandchildren. Three are their late son Joseph’s children. He had tested positive, but he was shot in a robbery. The other two are their daughter Vinas’ who died “from blood pressure.”  Pius and Angel are working so hard to provide for this second family, as so many grandparents across the African continent are doing.

Angel, who prides herself on being a professional person, faces the realities of life with grace and humility. The family lives on a compound for the many volunteers that have come to rebuild after the war. She takes people under her wing, and cares for them. Her main concern is to make people happy. We learn through Angel the difficulties that people face everyday. The status of women – the number of men being so scarce – pit them against each other as they look for partners. The unavailability of work leaving no choice but to sell their bodies in order to feed their families. Undercurrents through the country are the knowledge that you may have survived, but you are not sure if the person next to you was part of the massacre, or is somehow related to someone that was. Then there is the ever-present HIV.

This book takes on these difficult topics, such as the HIV crisis that has left so many grandparents raising children and the genocide with skill. While ever present, it is not maudlin or gratuitous. You see though different characters what it is like to be a child of a collaborator, to be the only survivor of a family, and the pain that remains as people try to move on with life.

All of this while you watch Angel go to HIV positive women that are being taught how to sew to keep them from selling themselves on the streets, buying fabric from women that are making their own patterns to survive, and standing in for a mother in jail for collaboration at a wedding. The wedding itself shows how the country is trying to heal – step by step learning to live together in the present with people from all over Africa, and the world, coming together – even the different groups that had been at war in Rwanda.

Through this empathy and openness to learning something new, Angel helps to heal hearts and make differences, both large and small for the whole community. There is hope for the country in what Angel is able to accomplish, which leads you to believe there is hope for the country in real life. Well worth the read.

I actively search for more stories with Angel and found When Hoopies Go to Heaven. The family has left Rwanda and moved to Swaziland. This installment is told from the point of view of the middle child of Joseph, Benedict.  Benedict is fascinated with all animals. Through his attempts to do the right thing, what he felt Angel or Pius would do, similar connections are made between different groups. While the changed POV was not as compelling as the first book, the same humanity and wonderful writing is found. I will continue to look for more books by Gaile Parkin for the pure delight in reading, and the added bonus of learning about different cultures. 

Black Experience, book-review, Family Drama, literature

The Vanishing Half

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What would it be like to have a twin that makes choices as different from yours as possible? 

This is the premise of this book written by Brit Bennet.  In a town that was founded by black people that were striving to be light, two girls were born to the family of one of the founders.  Although the founders of this town considered themselves “better” than those with darker skin, it was no real “protection.” A group of white men stormed into their home, pulled their father out by the ankles and hung him for something that he had not done.  From then, the fragility of being light was shattered.  With the family in financial peril, they were pulled out of school at the age of 16 to work cleaning white people’s home.  There they saw first hand how anyone with any color was treated.

The girls run away to New Orleans, looking to build a new life.  It was then that they were again confronted with the reality of opportunities that were available to white women that were not available to black woman, even those with light skin.  In order to get a job, Stella “passed” as white, making choices to change herself into another person.  She selected “white” on the job application, became a secretary, married her boss, and built a new life that she managed to hide from everyone including herself.  

Desiree, however, took a different path, marrying a dark black man that ended up beating her. Fleeing her husband’s fists back to Mallard, with her small dark skinned daughter became an outsider in the light black town.  As a child, Desiree had been most likely to leave, always restless to be somewhere else.  Yet it was Stella that continued to live her lie and not return. 

The story traces how each life was different based upon choices that were made when they were young.  A choice led Stella to a larger life, yet it was a life of lies.  She never felt comfortable being herself until a black woman befriended her and she had to choose all over. 

The truth that you can deny your history, but it shapes you anyway, and the acceptance of those that love you for all their flaws and choices, makes this a story of discovering who you are at the core, so you can not only love yourself, but allow yourself to be loved.

Within the story, questions explored include what does it mean to be black? What does it mean to be poor? What is a woman’s place? What makes a man? What does it mean to stay? And ultimately, how do you live with the choices you have made?

Each choses their own path and lives with the consequences. 

book-review, books, Family Drama, literature, reading

Lost and Found

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Each person leaves things behind, sometimes on purpose others, not.  These items can be keys to moments that change our lives.  This is the basis of the story behind The Keeper of Lost Things by Ruth Hogan. Throughout the book there are strings of stories of how mementoes are kept or lost, with them all coming back together in the end. 

There are two stories that this is based upon.  The first, a woman, Laura, who comes to work for an author and the second a woman, Eunice, who comes to work for a publisher.  Both women are brought into these men’s lives and become for them the way to fulfill their own destinies.  It is through the stories of people around them that show the six degrees of separation. 

Ultimately, the truth is told by a young woman with Downs Syndrome. It is through this girl’s ability to see and feel the things around her with no preconceived filter that helps her lead others to their own truth.  This girl, her given name is Sunshine, sits in the park observing those who live around her, including the author across the way.  As she realizes he has died and the woman who came each day to work with him moves in, Sunshine decides that this is her opportunity to make a new friend.  She comes around often, and at times Laura hides in the cupboards when she doesn’t want a visitor.  The gardener, Freddie asks why Laura doesn’t just explain to Sunshine about the times she wants to be alone.  After an old girlfriend comes around for Freddie, who also hides, the both come clean to those pursuing them with the reasons why.  Sunshine pragmatically states “why didn’t you just say so?” 

If we could only listen to this advice in our real lives.  How many times have we twisted ourselves into knots to avoid something instead of facing it straight on?  If we had been honest with ourselves and others, how much energy and heartache could be avoided?

As the stories continue, Sunshine later states that she is never listened to.  Again, Laura and Freddie stop and realize that there is truth to what she says.  Once they listen, they take steps toward solving a mystery at the heart of the story.  As the story progresses, tales of lost objects – how they came to be lost and how they came to be found – continue to show hints of how they are intertwined. 

When at last Sunshine puts a bet out for Freddie, the ending for both stories becomes apparent.  Sunshine has again predicted it through her simple but perceptive observation.  The tale is of love and loss, finding and discovering, and being honest to oneself.  If you are true to yourself, observant and open, you will find your happiness. 

Biography, Black Experience, Family Drama, Indigenous American, literature, memoir

Year End Summary

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In this difficult year for us all, I have surprisingly been able to read.  While certainly not at the same pace as I am used to, especially since it took me three months to read 20, five months for the next 20 – which included a number of books in the 90-150 page length – and then 10 in the past 3 months.  Either way, I made it to my goal. 

This year’s reading included a number of books, non-fiction, that captured my time.  The Library Book and The Bad-Ass Librarians of Timbuktu stand out.  Both are stories of how books formed the basis of the area they were made, and how the impact of the threats to them have continued throughout time.  Destruction of books can kill a community.  The numbers of people that step up and help in LA and Timbuktu that put themselves in real danger to save these are nothing short of inspiring. 

Inspiration also came from Young Woman and the Sea as well as The Memo.  Both Gertrude Ederle and Minda Harts are victims of the society they are brought into.  As a girl in the early 1900s, not only was swimming not in fashion, but a woman’s ability to swim was questioned.  Trudy not only broke all the women’s swim records but also the men’s.  While she failed in her first attempt to cross the English Channel, it is widely documented that she believed she was poisoned by her coach to keep her from completing the feat.  Minda, on the other hand, discusses the need for women of color to not only lean in, but to bring your own chair. 

I read about people coming into their own understanding of the place they hold in their life, their family, society, and more.  Some were laugh out loud, others brought tears, and more were in between. 

From a fiction standpoint, as I look back on the titles, all seem to be searching for a place to feel fulfilled.  People trying to connect, being brushed off, being hurt, just trying to survive.  My favorites this year include:

The Art of Hearing Heartbeats: A lovely story about the strength of real love.  This book was an amazing love story, while a bit unsettling about the legacy it left his daughter.

The Painted Drum: The history of Native Americans is something that has not been valued by the invaders.  When a woman comes in to catalogue a home of a deceased man, she encounters items he stole from a tribe when he was their “representative”.  Her journey to herself and her tribe, which was called to by the drum, was a lesson in the history of a people calling to its next generation, giving strength to carry on.

Where the Crawdads Sing: A compelling story, especially the isolation, that resonated due to the lock down.  The ending was worthy of Chris Bohjalian.

The Bookwoman of Troublesome Creek: The concept of “colored” people in Kentucky is taken a step further when there is a group of “blue” people that are part of the community.  A real thing, this was a genetic quirk that actually existed.  The gradation of the color impacting the lives of people is amazing – there is always someone you can decide is lower than you. 

The Queen’s Gambit: After hearing about the TV adaptation, I pick up the book.  I have no idea how this book can be easily put into film, as the majority of the book is a metaphor of a game of chess, the game in question.  The Queen’s gambit is a move to start a game, similar to the first step to life.  As the story continues, each step in life becomes how Beth Harmon approaches the game.  To her, life is chess. 

Other titles that have left a lasting impression:

Say You’re One of Them by Uwem Akpen

Lilith’s Brood (Xenogenesis 1-3) by Octavia E. Butler

The Great Alone by Kristen Hanna

The One and Only by Emily Griffin

Elsewhere: A Memoir by Richard Russo

Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows by Balli Kaur Jaswal

Finding Dorothy by Elizabeth Letts

The Dutch House by Anne Patchett

In the coming year, my focus will be to read books I own.  The titles may be a bit older, but I feel the need to do my bookshelves and brain the favor of slowing down the pace. 

book-review, Family Drama, literature

A return to reading

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This year has been very different from anything anyone has ever experienced.  The COVID-19 life has been full of fear, isolation, and stress.  Many people with kids (of all ages) are watching them struggle with the new normal of not seeing people they care about, more screen time then we ever thought we would allow, and generalized anxiety about how this impacts them.  That last one will tip you off that I have teenagers.

In this atmosphere I am working to maintain my own identity.  My brain has not been able to process things as well as I used to.  I am spending hours playing solitaire; I pick up books just to put them down; and I don’t even spend the time finding new titles online.

Then we went on vacation.

I should tell you now that I have been known to not move for a week, except to turn pages.  I spent a week on Martha’s Vineyard and read 8 books while still spending time with the group of people I went with.  We were headed to the ocean with my in-laws, so I needed to make sure I had things to do.  I packed a book and an eReader.  First, I read The Ambassador’s Daughter by Pam Janoff.  The characters seemed familiar but I couldn’t place them until I posted on goodreads.com.  This is a prequel to The Kommandant’s Girl and The Diplomat’s Wife.  Each story can stand on its own, and I read them years apart.  Each was an interesting take on the world, but nothing was earth shattering.

Then I started reading the only other thing I had downloaded – The House by the River by Lena Manta.  The story of a strong woman who followed love, made a life for herself and her five daughters, and watched them grow and leave the small village under Mount Olympus.  The story of each child is then told, each left with their own goals and choices, and lived their lives.  In the end, the power of love, and the hope to start anew bring the women all together again, wiser and more aware of the good place they came from.

This has stuck with me.  My mother made so many choices for her three daughters, and we have all gone away to live our own lives.  Each of us, in our own way, has found our way back to mom and the comfort of the love and familiarity of where we came from.  The women’s lives were lived full of passion and adventure, either by direct path or not.  Born from love, they sought that out, if at first or not.  The stories of these sisters have pointed me back to myself.  In order to survive and thrive I must live fully with the choices I have made and the places it has taken me.  If I do not, I would not be true to the parents that raised me to be fearless.

Now, I am fearlessly reading books again, even if I have been stopping the heavier reads and going to more non-fiction, it is reading.  And I feel better.

 

book-review, books, Family Drama, reading

Glass Houses

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Choosing a book, I went to my bookshelf and found Proof of Heaven by Eben Alexander. After that was finished I found A Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindberg. Then my colleague Nigel suggested I read The Happy Prince by Oscar Wilde. Each of the books, a scientific search for understanding a near death experience, a reflection on life and its every stage, and a tale of giving of yourself to heal others all pointed me on a path away from sadness, and toward a purpose. Then, as if by magic, the library’s electronic version of Emily St John Mandel’s The Glass Hotel was available.

If you don’t know by now, Ms. St John Mandel’s Station Eleven has been on many “To Read” lists because it was a novel that predicted a pandemic like the flu that decimated the economies of the world and killed millions. It was a brilliant story, well written and so believable that it was eerie when COVID-19 showed up. I was eager to read her new novel. The story is written over a number of years, by a number of characters. The story weaves them in and out of each other’s lives. At the core is Vincent, a woman from Vancouver who lost her mother to a canoeing accident when she was about 12. Her half brother, Paul, comes into her life after a stint in rehab for drugs, running from the law because he shared some bad drugs with someone who died from them. Through back and forth stories we next see them at an exclusive Hotel Caiette on an island in British Columbia. The place is owned by Jonathan Alkaitis, who works in finance and owns the hotel. One night someone writes in acid ink “Why don’t you swallow broken glass” on the window of the hotel, shaking a guest, Leon Prevant, to his core. As time continues, we find that Paul, who worked at the hotel as a cleaner, was accused of the graffiti and left the next morning, and Vincent, his sister was working as a bartender that night. That night was when Jonathan gave her his business card with money as his tip.

As the story unwinds, there are small and large choices that are made by each of the players. Knowingly or not, or as one person states – knowing and not knowing together – each is faced with a question. How easy is it for you to cross the line? Some choose to stand on the morals they claim to have, while others are surprised when they cross them in hind-sight. It is this struggle between our actions and out beliefs that are the moral of the story. That, and the interconnectedness of each person to another. Throughout the changes and years, each remains connected bringing into question the idea of coincidence – is it real or is there a cosmic plan?

In the end, it is those with self-knowledge that are aware of the impact others have on them and the price to be paid for not crossing the line.

By the way – I don’t believe that it was a coincidence that these books came to me in that order.

 

book-review, Family Drama

The Crawdads are Singing

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As this isolation continues, we all seem to be searching for something more. Is there something or someone out there orchestrating this? Is this the beginning of the end? Is there someone to lead us to safety like Neo “the one” Anderson in The Matrix?

Humans are in need of a pack. Families are one, friends are another. What happens when these disappear? Just as with other species, those that appear weak are cast out. Isolation is the theme throughout Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens. With heartbreaking clarity, the detailed discoveries of an amazing young child on nature, supported by the author’s own degrees and work in Zoology, focus on the need for others to make us whole. The actions of the “flock” to someone not quite their own are also explored. While more can be said on the underlying tensions and actions that set things in motion, in our current world, it is the isolation that drew me in the most.

At the age of 5, Kya watches as her mother walks down the path and out of her life, never to return. Kya is left with her brother Jodie, 8 years older, and their father, an abusive drunk. When Jodie leaves after a beating, Kya is left alone with her father, until he also disappears. With almost no money, she begins to build a life. She walks to the Piggly Wiggly barefoot, as she has no shoes, and is shunned by “proper women” as dirty and bad because she lives in the Marshes of South Carolina with no money. No one truly reaches out to help. As she begins to become reliant on herself, she digs oysters in an effort to not take charity. She strikes up a deal with Jumpin, a black man that buys her oysters and smoked fish, and in return makes sure she is watched over and given items she needs. With his wife Mabel, these social outcasts in the south (blacks in the US in 1950 knew of her torment, but made a family together), they made sure she had clothing, supplies, and people to turn to for information and help. All in a manner that would be acceptable to Kya. There was no need for thanks, no glory requested for good deeds. They simply took care of someone in a manner that the receiver needed it.

As we continue our isolation through this virus, we need to make sure that we all open up to those in need. Blaming someone for having the virus, or passing it on by mistake is the same as blaming Kya for being abandoned. Have compassion for those around you, especially the most vulnerable. It is in times like these where the true heroes are found. Those that help with no need to tell others. Those that don’t even think they are doing anything extraordinary.

Today, do something for someone else that they need, without asking, and in a way that makes it easy for them to accept with grace.

In the end, that is all we have.

book-review, Family Drama, read around the world, romance

Lucinda Riley’s The Sun Sister

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Some times life can overwhelm you, and you just want to escape. That is the best time to pick up a good book and dive on in. Last week I took the opportunity to do that with the sixth book in Lucinda Riley’s Seven Sisters series, The Sun Sister.

As a reminder, this series is centered around a family of adopted daughters – six in total, that are named for the Seven Sisters constellation. Each is brought to their adoptive father’s home in Geneva but none ask for information on where they have come from. After Pa mysteriously dies and the body is whisked away, there remains some questions about what has happened. Coordinates are left for where they were born, as well as a quote to start them on their quest. The sister’s stories are all explored in each book. In this book, Electra is the focus. The sixth sister, she is a famous model, who is drowning herself in vodka and sleeping pills. After a breakup with Mitch, a rock star that she thought was “the one,” Electra has been using alcohol and pills to face each day, quieting the voices in her head. She had run away from her boarding schools, and was expelled from others. She had moved to Paris at 16 and was discovered at the café she was working as a waitress at. From that time, she had been on the road constantly. One evening Mitch told her she he was going to announce his engagement to another woman, and all Electra’s belongings that had been at his house were returned via moving van. It is in these boxes that the final letter from Pa and the coordinates are found. Electra finds out she has a grandmother. Electra downed at least one bottle of vodka and an unknown number of sleeping pills, and her assistant found her and helps her survive what could have been a fatal mistake. After this, Electra agrees to enter a rehab center recommended by her sister.

As the story progresses, we learn a story from her Grandmother, Stella. Cecily, a woman in 1930s New York society, is abandoned by her fiancé, and suffers the humiliation of being overlooked as the former future husband introduces a new woman as his new fiancé weeks after the breakup. In order to remove herself from the snubs that were happening daily, she chooses to travel to Kenya with her godmother, Kiki. Upon the insistence of her mother, Cecily goes via England, to stay with her mother’s best friend. While there she is romanced by the heir to the earldom, who disappears before she leaves. When Cecily and Kiki finally arrive in Kenya, Cecily is overwhelmed by how beautiful the country is. As she meets people and makes friends, and ends up marrying Bill. As their story progresses, you see glimpses of “Out of Africa” on the love and beauty of Kenya, misunderstanding and forgiveness.

As both stories are unravelled, the stark reality of race relations is examined. It is revealed that Electra is black, and that has kept her felling different and outside always. These themes were more serious than the other sister’s, so I was much more wrapped up in the story here, both for Cecily and for Electra.

I started the series last year, not realizing that I was going to catch up and overtake the author in the books being finished. This one was published in October – and now I probably have to wait two years to finish this series. It will be hard but I have no choice.

book-review, Family Drama, Indigenous American, literature

There, There a story of a place that doesn’t exist anymore

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Years ago I had been a participant in a program on diversity. During this program we were asked to create a spectrum of I am no sure what. I do, however remember that the facilitator stated that the Natives and the Jews should be together since we were both parts of tribes. At the time, I remember it was intriguing, but I didn’t explore it much.

As I listen to There There I am struck by the sad similarities and differences between our tribes. The book is made up of twelve separate stories that are tangentially collected. Early on we meet Jackie Red Feather and her sister Opal Victoria Viola Bear Shield. Their mother, recently battered by one of the girl’s father’s, takes the girls to join other Natives taking over Alcatraz. This reminds me of the Jews that fled Jerusalem after the first and second temples were destroyed. They fled to a fortress also to keep their way of life alive. Ultimately both fail to gain their demands, but they came together to build a community, which at the core of each is the most important part.

Other stories are added, where Natives are spoken down to, not heard, not given opportunities. They are herded together, but they don’t believe it can be that bad, people are not that evil. Both the Jews and the Natives were wrong in that belief, as they both face massacres in scale and scope that truly underline how evil exists in the world.

One character, Dene, earns a grant to capture the stories of Natives – who they are, what it means to be Native, and how they came to be there. This is also something that the Jews have done since the end of World War 2, bearing witness and sharing.

One way that is not similar is the susceptibility of Natives to addiction. Tobacco, alcohol, and drugs are devastating to these people. The number of children born addicted is disproportionately high versus the US population. One section shares the speech of a suicide prevention specialist that was especially compelling. It is that just telling them to stop doing it does not address the real problem. That was hopelessness. If there was hope, there would not be as many choosing to check out.

All roads lead to the Big Pow Wow in Oakland. This is a trial for the Indian Center – if it goes well, they will do more. Its an opportunity to dance, to learn from the big drums, to be with your people, and to try for big prize money. It is also where the White parts of the Natives, illustrated by the White 3d printed guns, does random destruction and irreparable damage to those in attendance.

As all tragedies do, it tears some apart, while bringing others together. Either way, none are the same. They are all just trying to survive and honor who they are and where they came from.