book-review, books, Indian Culture, literature, reading

quest for justice in books and movies

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As everyone gets ready to either watch or avoid the Academy Awards tonight, the number of articles being posted about them is exploding. I read one today on Yahoo.com about how Driving Miss Daisy won the award in 1989, but Spike Lee’s Do The Right Thing was not even nominated. The article went on to detail how race relations in the movies has always been employment based.  The black person is hired as a maid or driver, the friendship is made, and the employer’s racism is lessened. This concept was an important one for me, as I had just finished reading The Space Between Us by Thrity Umrigar.

Set in India, where classism is real and continuing, this is a story of the bonds of friendship that are forged between employee and employer. Sera may be well off, with a beautiful, pregnant daughter and son-in-law living with her after her husband passed away three years earlier, but there is darkness within her. Her husband is survived by a mother, incapacitated by a stroke, who had dominated Sera’s adult life, intent on extracting pain. This trait was passed to her son, who’s need to dominate Sera included the use of his fists.

Bhima, an uneducated but hard working woman, had been courted by Gopol and lived a happy life, until an industrial accident robbed them of 3 fingers, worker’s compensation, and dignity. As Gopol’s slide to despair and pain makes him turn to drink, the joy and caring goes out of the family.

The story, as it unwinds, begins with Bhima’s shame as she sees her 17 year old granddaughter Maya is pregnant and unmarried. Throughout this book, Bhima is on a quest for find justice. What we find, however, is that even with an education, women are at the mercy of men in this society. We also find that women can be even crueler when asked to take sides.

Bhima has given her life and energy to Sera and her family, yet is not allowed to sit on the furniture or use the dishes. While Sera has helped Bhima when Maya came to her, taking an interest in Maya’s education, when faced with realities of Bhima’s life, such as where she lives, Sera remains apart. It is in the end, when real evil is revealed, that the façade is pulled down.

In order to not spoil the story, I will leave it at this: in India the voices of women are marginalized, and the voices of poor women are silenced. In the larger world, this story is yet another tale that in a simple relationship where one holds the power, you need to understand this and not give up too much of yourself. Unless you are fully treated as equal, in the book by being allowed to sit on the chairs to drink from the glasses, in the movie by being allowed to come in to sit next to Miss Daisy as they hear MLK, Jr. there will always remain a barrier to equality. Even if there is deep companionship.  This struggle continues today, not just in India, but everywhere that people are not equal. Economic, spiritual, racial, and gender identifications are all ways in which the world has been divided, and remains so. Those in power, as in the book, will do everything to keep their power, regardless of the cost to others.

book-review, books, literature, reading

death with a small “d”

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I have been struggling to complete a book, Death with Interruptions by Jose Santiago, that had sounded amazing to me. The description on the dust cover was compelling me to read this book. Yet, whenever I picked up the book, I dreaded moving forward. The story plodded along, the structure was where basic punctuation was not included. Paragraphs were pages long. Dialogue was not distinguished between people. The book lulls you into a state everything is expected, yet nothing is.  It is in this manner that the book discusses how death (with a small d) decides not to work after the New Year begins.

At first, everyone is surprised, happy even, to have beaten death at her own game. They celebrate until they realize the consequences. First the funeral directors, then hospitals and assisted living facilities, Insurance companies and even the church, all struggle to find meaning for themselves in this strange world. Families are left watching those they love suffer indefinitely. They can bear it no longer, and neither can those that suffer. A way to put the balance of life back in order is found. Profiteers abound to take over and the money cycle, just like the life cycle, begins again.  As the country adjusts to a new “normal” death again steps in. A letter, on violet stationary, is received by a minister of government, and the contents are announced on television. Every person going forward will receive a letter one week in advance to allow them to settle affairs. This continues until a letter is returned, not once but twice to death.

As she explores the reasons why this would happen, as never before had death’s call been challenged in such a way, she begins to follow the cellist the card was meant for. She takes human form and presents herself to him. In the end, she stays in his embrace.

The metaphor this provides is overwhelming. The more we change the order of life, the expectations of life, the more the world works to change it back. Yet, at its core, this is a story of a need for connected-ness. How to connect a family instead of tearing it apart with death. How to allow for closure before dying. How to embrace life before letting go.

So glad I finished this. It was just hard to do. Just like life.

skull-reaper-linocut-illustration

book-review, books, Indigenous American, literature, reading

Refugee Problems in 1988 – the Kingsolver way

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The first Barbara Kingsolver book I read was The Poisonwood Bible. It was soon after the release. Since then I have been reading as many of her books as I can. She is a storyteller extraordinaire.  As I was looking at my 50 States challenge, I realized I didn’t have a book for Arizona, and fell upon The Bean Trees.  One of her earlier books, this one focuses on a young woman that leaves the poverty of Kentucky to find her way in the world. She jumps in a car that is broken down, but moving, and heads west. As she goes through Oklahoma, she finds herself on Cherokee land. Here, she is faced with true need, and her fate is handed to her, literally.

As she continues her journey, she witnesses the worst that the world can be to others – especially children – and yet she remains surprised with each revelation. Her car finally gives out in Arizona, and she finds her way through the kindness of strangers. These people become her family, her home, and she comes to terms with the understanding that she was a refugee from Kentucky looking for a better life, just as refugees from other countries come to the US for another chance. Each has their past, but each also looks to the future with hope. The bean trees growing in Maddie’s back yard take root where they are, even though they came from so far away. Just like the people who tend them.

With the immigration issues still as difficult now as when the book was published, the story remains as relevant today as it did in 1988.  With this, and Letters from a Woman Homesteader, I can fill in Arizona and Wyoming on my 50 states list under the At Home Travel Log. And I will keep looking for more of Kingsolver’s books. I have never been disappointed.

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book-review, books, literature, reading

Off to a Slow Start

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The polar vortex may only be headed my way right now, but my brain appears to be frozen. While I may seem to be off to a good start of my new reading goals, I am not spending the time doing the actual reading lately. I have all these books checked out of the library, and I have picked them up and opened them, but for some reason I don’t understand, I am struggling to dive in.

My current theory is that the new ice age that seems to be starting is what is paralyzing me.

Not really, but maybe?

Sometimes, even if you are a big reader, you just need some time to be you. I notice that when I dive into a book, just like the water, I become immersed within the people and place. I put the book down reluctantly. The feelings and sensations that are tied to the book come with me – and not everyone around me understands because they had not been on that journey with me only 2 minutes ago, even if I was sitting next to them.

It is in this frame of mind that I listened to Autumn by Ali Smith. This story is a combination of memories and dreams of the main characters. Childhood for Elisabeth was greatly influenced by her neighbor, Daniel. She spent many hours with him as an “unpaid babysitter” after moving in when she was 10. He helps her see the world through new eyes. Each time he greeted her, he asked what she had been reading lately. He also played a game of describing art to her with words. She went on to study art at University and ended up writing her dissertation on the artist’s work that Daniel had described to her as a child. Throughout the story, Elisabeth is sitting by the bed as Daniel is unconscious near the end of his life. As her mother enjoys a newfound life, and Elisabeth is asked to face what her next step is, the concept of what is love is explored – between friends, across ages, regardless of gender. How you approach your life at each stage is important. Knowing what book you are reading – even if you are just thinking about it, opens all sort of new worlds to you. If you only let it.

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book-review, books, Family Drama, memoir, Non-Fiction, reading

Educated: a memoir of survival

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Tara is a child that has defied all sorts of odds to get to where she is today. She has survived a bi-polar father, a subservient wife, a violent brother, and all kinds of wounds both physical and psychological.

While I understand that there are groups of people that resist the government at all costs, it is always amazing to me that they do so by keeping those around them ignorant. No TV, no books, no contact with outsiders. This keeps those around the charismatic leader dependent upon them for any information. This is the typical manner that the male establishment has maintained control over women. This establishment includes religious establishment.

It is not surprising that when Tara earns a scholarship to Cambridge, she begins to read the foundational Mormon texts differently. As with many other religious texts, the undercurrent of a woman’s place in the home is strong. The weapon of ignorance continues today to be wielded against women from here to the Middle East and back. When women have no other information or source, the history they know is only the one told by the man. And we all know, history is shaped by the winner.  By creating the history, there is only one future for women in the world.
Throughout the story of her childhood and growing awareness of the world, we hear how her father decided her mother should be a mid-wife, even though she was terrified. How her father decided they were leaving Utah in the middle of the night in a snow storm, ending in a car wreck that almost killed the entire family. How her father put her brother on a beam that he dropped approximately 12 feet from, sat him up and went back to work. All his many children were scared of him and the end of the world he kept predicting.  The family had weapons, fuel and food to last many years when the world was to end at Y2K, and were sure the Feds were going to kill them like they did the Weavers. All history and facts came through her father.

As Tara begins to experience the outside world, she learns facts and history she never knew. The Holocaust, Civil Rights Movement, and the story of Ruby Ridge, where the Weavers were killed. All were either new to her or new details were revealed that showed the original information to be false.

She is conflicted with wanting something else while still wanting the familiar. The fact that the root of the word is family is not coincidental. As she begins to read, to work, and to learn she begins living separate lives, keeping them away from each other. She cannot reconcile the two. At one point she wonders if she had become too educated to be part of her family. Ultimately the cost of learning and becoming a Phd was her family. With the majority of the family economically dependent upon the parents, they are able to keep them doing as the father wants. Other siblings that have been able to leave and educate themselves, also Phds, are on the outside.

The thing that causes the great rift is that she speaks out about her brother’s physical abuse to her and her sister. She did so in support of her sister, Audrey. The cost to Audrey was too high – to be cut off from her economic support (both she and her husband worked for her father) and to be cast out of the family while living minutes from them was too dear to pay.

Throughout the story of her life there are moments where she is told to stay in the kitchen where she belongs, that she should not tempt men, and that she deserved to be beaten, that she was not dating as commanded by the Mormon Church. These conflicts will remain with her always. The ultimate price to pay for being your own person in this family is to be cast out. Tara was lucky that so many were cast out she was able to go to her aunt and state she would ignore what her father claimed of the aunt if the favor was returned. That family – previously lost to her – is what sustains her now.

In the face of so many obstacles, her ability to survive on her own terms is the legacy the family gave her. A brave woman, stronger than even she knows.

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books, reading

Back at it – 2019 has begun

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Ending the year 2018 with a big historical biography has slowed me down. While it was an amazing book, Clara Barton was a complex individual with a spine of steel, and a depth I had not fully appreciated prior to reading this biography, the dense volume took much time to digest. I ended up taking the last week off before year end with no reading at all. All in all, the year of 2018 was a successful reading one for me. 2019 is looking to be another one.

This year I am continuing with the reading challenges that I found last year. These are right up my alley – one is reading about different cultures – and I am excited to see what I am going to mark off my personal around the world book challenge. The first challenge to be tackled by me, however, is from my TBR list – The Bookshop of Yesterdays.

The main character is named for Miranda in Shakespeare’s The Tempest, and the bookstore she inherits is Prospero Books. The story begins when Miranda hears that her Uncle Billy, whom she has not seen or heard from in 16 years, has died. Billy was known for his scavenger hunts – and he sent one to Miranda after his death. She returns from Philadelphia to California to find out what happened. Throughout the story, the mystery of why Billy disappeared on her 12th birthday is driving her forward to reveal the secrets her parents have kept from her. The parallels to The Tempest abound through the book, and I am sure I would have noticed more if I had actually read Shakespeare’s story. If you are familiar with the book, you will solve this much quicker than if you do not. Either way, the characters are engaging, if playing according to the rules of the original. All in all, this was a good read.

 

books, humor, reading

My Christmas morning

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Twas the morning of Christmas, and all through the house

Not at creature was stirring, I hope there’s no mouse

I woke with a start, I started to panic

Did I do this or that, or did I just jam it?

So I crept down the stairs, quite as can be

To do more puzzles, a quiz, but nothing before coffee

The puppy remains upstairs in her bed,

With visions of car keys dancing in my girl’s head

The boy is out cold, with a clicker in hand

As he tries to win best fortnighter in the land

We unplugged last night to play Monopoly

When hubby and I ended our spending spree

All is peaceful for now, with everyone out

So soon they will wake and begin to shout

Today is the day when nothing is open

You know that means they need something this moment

With a mug in one hand, and a wish in my heart

That I remembered my glasses so I could read the next part

So I move to the keyboard, enlarging the font,

Wondering what next they will want

I write down my saga, however so sad

That I cant read without glasses – and that makes me mad

I can’t go back up and wake up my hubby

Or the dog will start barking and then in a hurry

They all will be up, my peace will be gone

The chores will begin and I’ll be forlorn

For these hours I cherish – you’ll find me if you look

Curled up on the couch, reading a new favorite book.

Merry Holidays to all!

books, reading

Year in Review – adding to the lists

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The New Year is lapping at our toes. The press is already showing the lists of Best Books for the Year. I may not be done with my reading, but I will jump in the fray wrapping up lists and challenges for the year.

Goodreads has kindly informed me that as of today I have read 26,895 pages across 80 books so far this year, with my longest book coming in at 1376 pages (Noble House). Even though this is owned and operated by Barnes and Noble, the discussion groups have been a great source of titles and inspiration for me. One group ran monthly challenges in honor of its 10th anniversary year.  I chose books from member’s libraries, books on my TBR list, prize winners, buddy reads, and recommendations from members. While the time was well spent for myself, I was one of 13 that completed the full challenge with all possible points, and was entered to a raffle that many times – and won third prize.  I am now on the hunt for great titles to spend my gift cards on.

As I do that, here are some books you may be interested in – and how I challenged myself to read so widely.

List 1:  Books I read for the PBT Decatholon:

MONTH TITLE AUTHOR
September: The Chilbury Ladies’ Choir Jennifer Ryan
August: The Thirty Nine Steps John Buchan
July: The Hearts Invisible Furies John Boyne
June: Marley and Me John Grogan
May: The Finkler Question Howard Jacobson
April: Runaway Alice Munro
March: Maus 1: My father bleeds history Art Spiegelman
Maus 2: And here my troubles begin Art Spiegelman
The Little Prince Antoine de Saint-Exupery
February: An Invisible Thread Laura Schroff
January: Beartown Fredrik Backman

 

List 2: Books I read for my travel log: Around the world

COUNTRY TITLE AUTHOR
Saudi Arabia Girls of Riyadh Rajaa Alsanea
Afghanistan The Pearl That Broke Its Shell Nadia Hashimi
Chile Ten Women Marcela Serrano
China The Tea Girl of Hummingbird Lane Lisa See
Dominican Republic How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents Julia Alvarez
Ethiopia Life After Coffee Virginia Franken
France The Velvet Hours Alyson Richman
Hong Kong Noble House James Clavell
Iran: Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood Marjane Satrapi
Ireland The Heart’s Invisible Fury’s John Boyne
Kenya Circling the Sun Paula McLain
Korea Please take care of mom Kyong-suk Sin
New Guinea Euphoria Lily King
Pakistan I Am Malala: The Story of the Girl Who Stood Up for Education and Was Shot by the Taliban Malala Yousafzai
Peru The Bridge of San Luis Rey Thornton Wilder
Scotland Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine Gail Honeyman
Singapore Crazy Rich Asians Kevin Kwan
Sweden Beartown Fredrik Backman
Turkey The Lost Sisterhood Anne Fortier
USA A Fall of Marigolds Susan Meissner

 List 3: My best reads of the year

Title Author
Girls of Riyadh Rajaa Alsanea
The Weight of Ink Rachel Kadish
Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine Gail Honeyman
Before We Visit the Goddess Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
The Most Beautiful Book in the World: Eight Novellas Eric-Emmanuel Schmitt
Faithful Alice Hoffman
The Pearl That Broke Its Shell Nadia Hashimi
The Hate U Give Angie Thomas
A Fall of Marigolds Susan Meissner
Beartown Fredrik Backman
The Rent Collector Camron Wright
The Chilbury Ladies’ Choir Jennifer    Ryan
Before We Were Yours Lisa Wingate

Last but not least, as I read through the Best Books lists of the year, my TBR list continues to expand.  Currently at 126, here is what I am working on:

List 4: To Be Read (TBR):

Title Author
No Turning Back: Life, Loss, and Hope in Wartime Syria Rania Abouzeid
The Labyrinth of the Spirits Carlos Ruiz Zafón
Unsheltered Barbara Kingsolver
Pretend I’m Dead Jen Beagin
Those Who Knew Idra Novey
Asymmetry Lisa Halliday
The Last Girl: My Story of Captivity, and My Fight Against the Islamic State Nadia Murad
Nine Perfect Strangers Liane Moriarty
We Should All Be Feminists Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Truth and Beauty Ann Patchett
Autobiography of a Face Lucy Grealy
Almost Everything: Notes on Hope Anne Lamott
Artemis Andy Weir
Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls: 100 Tales of Extraordinary Women Elena Favilli
In Search of Lost Books: The forgotten stories of eight mythical volumes Giorgio van Straten
Little Edward Carey
Night of Miracles Elizabeth Berg
White Houses Amy Bloom
Radio Free Vermont: A Fable of Resistance Bill McKibben
Alternate Side Anna Quindlen
The Diary of a Bookseller Shaun Bythell
Relic (Pendergast, #1) Douglas Preston
The Clockmaker’s Daughter Kate Morton
The 19th Wife David Ebershoff
Educated Tara Westover
The Library Book Susan Orlean
Codename Zero (The Codename Conspiracy #1) Chris Rylander
The Rules of Magic Alice Hoffman
Under the Volcano Malcolm Lowry
Less Andrew Sean Greer
Red Clocks Leni Zumas
Do Not Say We Have Nothing Madeleine Thien
For The Immortal (Golden Apple Trilogy #3) Emily Hauser
For The Winner (Golden Apple Trilogy #2) Emily Hauser
For The Most Beautiful (Golden Apple Trilogy #1) Emily Hauser
The Power Naomi Alderman
The Art of Hearing Heartbeats Jan-Philipp Sendker
The Story of Zahra Hanan Al-Shaykh
The Yellow Birds Kevin Powers
Burial Rites Hannah Kent
Maya Jostein Gaarder
The Samurai’s Garden Gail Tsukiyama
The Year of the Hare Arto Paasilinna
The Tango Singer Tomás Eloy Martínez
The Lady and the Unicorn Tracy Chevalier
If You Leave Me Crystal Hana Kim
The Masterpiece Fiona  Davis
Sea Prayer Khaled Hosseini
Sleeping Giants (Themis Files, #1) Sylvain Neuvel
The Last Watchman of Old Cairo Michael David Lukas
I’d Rather Be Reading: The Delights and Dilemmas of the Reading Life Anne Bogel
The Girl Who Knew Too Much Amanda Quick
Other People’s Houses Abbi Waxman
Jerusalem, Drawn and Quartered: One Woman’s Year in the Heart of the Christian, Muslim, Armenian, and Jewish Quarters of Old Jerusalem Sarah Tuttle-Singer
A Place for Us Fatima Farheen Mirza
We Are Legion – We Are Bob (Bobiverse, #1) Dennis E. Taylor
Uncommon Type: Some Stories Tom Hanks
An Odyssey: A Father, a Son, and an Epic Daniel Mendelsohn
The House of Broken Angels Luis Alberto Urrea
The Immortalists Chloe  Benjamin
Something Beautiful Happened: A Story of Survival and Courage in the Face of Evil Yvette Manessis Corporon
Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I’ve Loved Kate Bowler
Hey Ladies!: The Story of 8 Best Friends, 1 Year, and Way, Way Too Many Emails Michelle Markowitz
Pops: Fatherhood in Pieces Michael Chabon
The Optimistic Decade Heather Abel
The Great Alone Kristin Hannah
The Radium Girls: The Dark Story of America’s Shining Women Kate  Moore
The Underground Railroad Colson Whitehead
Ready Player One (Ready Player One, #1) Ernest Cline
Destiny by Design- Leah’s Journey Mirta Ines Trupp
The Two-Family House Lynda Cohen Loigman
A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian Marina Lewycka
The History of Love Nicole Krauss
The Seven Good Years Etgar Keret
The Music Shop Rachel Joyce
The One-in-a-Million Boy Monica Wood
I Love Myself When I Am Laughing… And Then Again: A Zora Neale Hurston Reader Zora Neale Hurston
The Neverending Story Michael Ende
Improvement Joan Silber
My Ex-Life Stephen McCauley
From a Paris Balcony Ella Carey
Homesick Eshkol Nevo
The Calligrapher’s Daughter Eugenia Kim
Sassafrass, Cypress and Indigo Ntozake Shange
The Space Between Us Thrity Umrigar
The Secrets Between Us Thrity Umrigar
The Miniaturist Jessie Burton
The Bookshop of Yesterdays Amy Meyerson
Ex Libris: Confessions of a Common Reader Anne Fadiman
If All the Seas Were Ink: A Memoir Ilana Kurshan
The Pearl Sister (The Seven Sisters #4) Lucinda Riley
Three Daughters of Eve Elif Shafak
Us Against You (Beartown, #2) Fredrik Backman
The Map of Salt and Stars Jennifer Zeynab Joukhadar
Freud’s Mistress Karen  Mack
Everything Here Is Beautiful Mira T. Lee
By the Book Julia Sonneborn
Everything You Want Me to Be Mindy Mejia
The Orphan’s Tale Pam Jenoff
History Is All You Left Me Adam Silvera
The Women in the Castle Jessica Shattuck
The Alice Network Kate Quinn
Lincoln in the Bardo George Saunders
The Keeper of Lost Things Ruth Hogan
Little Fires Everywhere Celeste Ng
Ordinary Grace William Kent Krueger
Not Me Michael Lavigne
The Letter Kathryn Hughes
The Lady in the Car with Glasses and a Gun Sébastien Japrisot
Perforated Heart Eric Bogosian
10:04 Ben Lerner
Prayers for Sale Sandra Dallas
The Most Dangerous Place on Earth Lindsey Lee Johnson
Someone Knows My Name Lawrence Hill
The Golden Son Shilpi Somaya Gowda
The Healing Jonathan Odell
Anything We Love Can Be Saved Alice Walker
Say You’re One of Them Uwem Akpan
Joy in the Morning Betty  Smith
Carter Beats the Devil Glen David Gold
The Night Journal Elizabeth   Crook
The Beauty of Humanity Movement Camilla Gibb
I, Mona Lisa Jeanne Kalogridis
A Grown-Up Kind of Pretty Joshilyn Jackson
The Weight of Heaven Thrity Umrigar
Love Anthony Lisa Genova

 

books, reading

Notorious Rights – RGB and Clara Barton

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Non-fiction continues in my life, as I checked out Notorious RGB this past week.  Right up my alley, she is a bodacious woman who has spent her life trying to protect individual’s rights under the law.  This

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book, which had been on my TBR list, was the perfect read after Men Explain Things to Me and A Story of a Happy Marriage.  Both of these books had been about standing up for your rights, your voice, and your choices, be they conventional or not.  RBG is the beacon of this. She has been fighting sexism for over 50 years for both men and women. The story of how she led her life, and her passion for representing all who needed to be protected will be her legacy. As she remains a leader of the left, strongly believing in the constitutional rights of people to be heard and counted, she is a voice in the minority too often. As the men on the court continue to make decisions that are pro-business, they don’t understand the ramifications that some of the decisions made have upon women. Until the court is filled with people of various backgrounds, and different upbringings, there will be blind spots in the interpretation of the words written so long ago – “We the people, in order to form a more perfect union….”  We are still trying to build the union more perfectly. For this, we need to learn from all who have arrived on these shores for a better life, regardless of where they have come from or when they arrived.

The new book I have just started A Woman of Value Clara Barton and the Civil War is takes me back to another time when women were fighting for the right to make choices on what their life should be. She chose not to marry but remained careful of conventions to not appear in public without a male escort. She accepted a job at the patent office, for a fraction of what men were paid. She kept pushing, but within the parameters that would not embarrass her family. As we continue to move forward down the road ahead, as Rebecca Slotnik stated, we are walking from the path of those who came before. While we continue to see setbacks, we must recognize how far we have come in life. As Notorious RBG has shown, a slow and steady pace will help us achieve a better world for us all.

books, reading

Explaining the Strength of Women

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The last few years have been difficult if you call yourself a feminist. The confirmation hearings of Brett Kavanaugh made me nauseous with the scary déjà vu it gave me of the Clarence Thomas hearings. Again, as when I realized who won in the last US Presidential election, I felt great despair at how we continue to face the same things, again and again.  It is in the frame of mind that I set to read Rebecca Slotnit’s Men Explain Things to Me.  This collection of essays begins with the tale of Slotnit being at a party and a man began explain a concept to her from a book he just heard about. In the middle of the lecture, Slotnit’s sister exclaims that the book he was referencing was, in fact, the one that Slotnit had just published.  That did not, however, stop the man from continuing to explain what Slotnit should know about the subject, as though she did not write the book.

This phenomenon is not something that is surprising to any woman, especially if the woman works in a “male” dominated profession.  Slotnit took this experience and began to dig into the ever raging gender wars. She argues that the fight on the sanctity of marriage is actually about equality. Historically the woman’s existence ceased when she married – she lost her name and her rights, living by gender roles that deem women less than men. It is the need to perpetuate this power dynamic that refutes that marriage is a partnership of equals with equal rights and responsibilities.  Slotnik continues through various stories until uncovering that women have had their voice taken, even when it cried out “he is going to kill me.” The grisly numbers provided on the percent of women that are facing violence and death at the hands of men are mind boggling.

As Slotnit’s essays explore the language of violence against women and the ownership of blame, I become indignant. Why are women told to stay away from places, don’t dress a certain way, stay home after dark? Why are men not told to keep away from women after dark, stay home to avoid hurting or scaring someone? Women are continually being told to stay away as though it is their fault for the men coming after them. I remember the old “Take back the Night” marches and the “I believe Anita” shirts. I also remember the fear I had walking at night to my home after working late at work, and still have when alone at night on my way to my car.  The #MeToo movement, while starting an interesting conversation for me and my teenage daughter, was just another reminder that women continue to struggle to be heard, believed, and supported.

The Kavanaugh hearings again highlighted that regardless of the stature of the woman, she is the one that is on trial when speaking out for her rights. The most effective manner of defending this is to make the woman question herself, and others of why we should ever believe a woman who would be mistaken because she was hysterical or some other reason that was why she didn’t say/do etc. In this world, with this type of stacked deck against a woman, Taylor Swift was sued for reporting that David Mueller had touched her inappropriately, for which he lost his job. Three years later, after watching her mother and others be badgered and bullied by Mueller’s lawyer, Swift reported that she was mad going to the stand to testify. When asked if she had feelings about Mueller losing his job, she responded with such strength that women everywhere applauded her

“I’m not going to let you or your client make me feel in any way that this is my fault. Here we are years later, and I’m being blamed for the unfortunate events of his life that are the product of his decisions—not mine.”

And yet, this week there was another report of a model minding her own business doing laundry that was attacked by a man grabbing her, all caught on video. There continues to be these attacks on women, their rights, their voice, and their bodies. But in the end, Slotnit makes a point of showing that the genie is out of the bottle, the idea that women have a voice, a right and a strength is out. While we are far from the end, we are moving in the right directly. Keep the faith and don’t go back.  Just keep plugging forward. I will do just that, and search for more of this author’s compelling writing.

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