A family is complex in many ways. This is a story of a Muslim couple that came to the US as newlyweds, created a family within their community and sought to pass on the things they felt were important to keeping their children safe and successful within that community.
Told from different family voices, this starts with a daughter’s wedding. Amar, the only son, has been estranged from the family, but you don’t know why at this point. The story goes through the past, with different views of the same situations they have gone through. Starting with Layla, the mother, and then going through each of the children’s stories and reactions, and ending with the father’s. Due to this being a Muslim based family, this is an interesting order. This puts the voices of women up front first, something that is unexpected due to the typical roles in that society that exist.
THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS SPOILERS TO THE STORY. PLEASE STOP IF YOU DON”T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS BEFORE YOU READ IT – AND I SUGGEST YOU LET IT UNFOLD IN THE MANNER IT WAS WRITTEN.
The first story is Layla’s. You learn of the hardships of leaving her country to follow the man her parents selected for her to marry. She portrays herself as someone that was obedient, did as she was told, and kept to the back of the line. She details how she has grown personally, going from being afraid to be close her own drapes when her husband started to travel for work to creating a cohesive unit that functioned well without Rafiq, her husband. She speaks of the tension and fear that the children have of him, and how she kept information from him, especially about Amar. There were references to going to school to be told by the teachers that he was trouble, even held back in school because he wouldn’t do the work. He was stubborn beyond what she had ever seen, and it was worse against Rafiq. He was painting his nails with his sister, and cooking with his mother. This led me to believe he was gay and the end was going be because his father threw him out.
Haida’s story is about how she had been his best confidant. Amar had always looked to her to help him. She was the smart sister, the protector sister, the one that kept his secrets. As her story unfolds, however, it is apparent that she was in competition for her father’s attention. She was given her grandfather’s watch – something that should have been passed father to son, as it had to Rafiq. She was marrying in a love match, not an arranged marriage. She did, however, do the full Indian wedding. He was not from the community, but the parents accepted him. This led me to believe that the father was beating Amar, but he probably was not gay.
Huda, the second sister, was the one that could get him do to things. She did keep information from Amar about his secret love, undermining him in different ways. This led me to believe that there was something going on with Amar.
Amar’s story unfolds with how he was afraid of his father, struggled with his faith. He went against his community by speaking with a girl, falling in love with her. He had been smoking and drinking, but tried to give up this for her. When the girl’s parents find out, they forbid her from seeing him. The pain makes him seek anything that will take the pain away. The girl is at the wedding, and they sneak off to talk. He tells of his drug use, showing the pin prick scars from the needles. She tells Amar that his mother was the one who told her parents. A drunk Amar confronts his mother at the wedding, making a mess. This led me to believe that it was the mother that ruined things, and the father supported her.
Then the father’s story. The man that everyone was afraid of. He was orphaned at the age of 16, when his mother died, and only 13 when his father passed away. Rafiq wanted to be a good father, but was open about how many mistakes he made. He was tough on Amar, hoping to give him the motivation to strive for something to be successful, all within the community and faith he was passing down. It was Rafiq who discovered the drug needles, even though Haida had taken the drugs from him before. It was Rafiq who knew about the love affair, that didn’t put a stop to it because the thought it was good for Amar, even if he knew it would end in heartbreak. Rafiq supported his daughters to being a successful doctor and a successful teacher. He supported them that Haida selected her own husband, and Huda did also – one from within and one not from their Muslim community. This provides significant context for the family, and the “blame” game shifts significantly to the mother.
As the story kept unfolding, the complexity of who was “at fault” completely turned on its head. Each story justifies each person’s actions and reactions. With family, there is never a clear cut black and white answer to anything. Each action and statement comes with a lifetime of perceptions and experiences from the point of view of the speaker. The underlying faith throughout – that there is one G-d and that G-d is great is always there. It is that that carries us all through.
This is a story of a family, struggling to know each other’s hearts as they grow to find their own place in the world. Just like any other family in the world.
The Source 4 Books 