Tag: books

book-review, books, Family Drama, literature, Middle Eastern, reading

A Place for Us by Fatima Farheen Mirza

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A family is complex in many ways. This is a story of a Muslim couple that came to the US as newlyweds, created a family within their community and sought to pass on the things they felt were important to keeping their children safe and successful within that community.

Told from different family voices, this starts with a daughter’s wedding. Amar, the only son, has been estranged from the family, but you don’t know why at this point. The story goes through the past, with different views of the same situations they have gone through. Starting with Layla, the mother, and then going through each of the children’s stories and reactions, and ending with the father’s. Due to this being a Muslim based family, this is an interesting order.  This puts the voices of women up front first, something that is unexpected due to the typical roles in that society that exist.

THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS SPOILERS TO THE STORY.  PLEASE STOP IF YOU DON”T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS BEFORE YOU READ IT – AND I SUGGEST YOU LET IT UNFOLD IN THE MANNER IT WAS WRITTEN.

 

 

 

The first story is Layla’s. You learn of the hardships of leaving her country to follow the man her parents selected for her to marry. She portrays herself as someone that was obedient, did as she was told, and kept to the back of the line. She details how she has grown personally, going from being afraid to be close her own drapes when her husband started to travel for work to creating a cohesive unit that functioned well without Rafiq, her husband. She speaks of the tension and fear that the children have of him, and how she kept information from him, especially about Amar. There were references to going to school to be told by the teachers that he was trouble, even held back in school because he wouldn’t do the work. He was stubborn beyond what she had ever seen, and it was worse against Rafiq. He was painting his nails with his sister, and cooking with his mother.  This led me to believe he was gay and the end was going be because his father threw him out.

Haida’s story is about how she had been his best confidant. Amar had always looked to her to help him. She was the smart sister, the protector sister, the one that kept his secrets.  As her story unfolds, however, it is apparent that she was in competition for her father’s attention. She was given her grandfather’s watch – something that should have been passed father to son, as it had to Rafiq. She was marrying in a love match, not an arranged marriage. She did, however, do the full Indian wedding. He was not from the community, but the parents accepted him. This led me to believe that the father was beating Amar, but he probably was not gay.

Huda, the second sister, was the one that could get him do to things. She did keep information from Amar about his secret love, undermining him in different ways.  This led me to believe that there was something going on with Amar.

Amar’s story unfolds with how he was afraid of his father, struggled with his faith. He went against his community by speaking with a girl, falling in love with her. He had been smoking and drinking, but tried to give up this for her. When the girl’s parents find out, they forbid her from seeing him. The pain makes him seek anything that will take the pain away. The girl is at the wedding, and they sneak off to talk. He tells of his drug use, showing the pin prick scars from the needles. She tells Amar that his mother was the one who told her parents. A drunk Amar confronts his mother at the wedding, making a mess. This led me to believe that it was the mother that ruined things, and the father supported her.

Then the father’s story.  The man that everyone was afraid of.  He was orphaned at the age of 16, when his mother died, and only 13 when his father passed away. Rafiq wanted to be a good father, but was open about how many mistakes he made.  He was tough on Amar, hoping to give him the motivation to strive for something to be successful, all within the community and faith he was passing down. It was Rafiq who discovered the drug needles, even though Haida had taken the drugs from him before. It was Rafiq who knew about the love affair, that didn’t put a stop to it because the thought it was good for Amar, even if he knew it would end in heartbreak. Rafiq supported his daughters to being a successful doctor and a successful teacher.  He supported them that Haida selected her own husband, and Huda did also – one from within and one not from their Muslim community. This provides significant context for the family, and the “blame” game shifts significantly to the mother.

As the story kept unfolding, the complexity of who was “at fault” completely turned on its head. Each story justifies each person’s actions and reactions. With family, there is never a clear cut black and white answer to anything. Each action and statement comes with a lifetime of perceptions and experiences from the point of view of the speaker. The underlying faith throughout – that there is one G-d and that G-d is great is always there.  It is that that carries us all through.

This is a story of a family, struggling to know each other’s hearts as they grow to find their own place in the world. Just like any other family in the world.

book-review, books, Holocaust, reading, romance

A good weekend of reading

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With my work deadline met, my dinner club attended, and the laundry almost done, I have been able to catch up on some reading this weekend.  While technically behind my regular pace, I remain above the majority of those that graduate and never read another book.  Can’t say that I have seen the Avengers, or that I have purchased the tickets yet, but you know where my priorities are.

From Sand and Ash by Amy Harmon

This is a book about being Jewish during the Second World War in Italy.  The story centers around two people that meet as children, one a boy sent from America because of his one leg, to be a priest. The other is an Italian girl whose family helped the boy and his grandparents. This improbable pair become fast friends, and grow close.  The lack of belief that the Fascists would harm the Jews of Italy mirrors what happened in the rest of Europe, but the underlying negativity and Anti-Semitism of the time is glossed over.  The number of “close calls” and “near misses” are very convenient, as is the theory that the Catholic Church was organized well to save Jews.  I believe the truth of that was how the Pope did not intercede, in life or in fiction, to help them.  As for the improbability of the ending – this was a very Hollywood ending. While it is nice to see something good come from such evil, this is the least believable part of the whole story.

My Ex Life by Stephan McCauley

The story of two formerly married people that, after a brief marriage and decades apart, are brought back together by one’s daughter.  David, a gay man that had married Julia when she found she was pregnant, is contacted in San Francisco by Mandy, Julia’s teenage daughter. Mandy has brought him up to keep her divorcing parents from using her as a pawn against each other. David, who runs a successful(ish) consulting company helping the children of wealthy parents get through the college application process (no bribes here, however).  He comes out to New England to help based upon Mandy’s request, and a need to leave SF as he is losing his rental to a former lover and his new partner.  Julia, who has been taking hits of weed every day for years, is slightly muddled and unfocused about herself and her home, which she loves passionately, but will probably lose in the divorce.  As David sets to straighten up everything (the gay man going straight line here is too obvious), and Julia allows him to take care of her, they fall into a companionable life together, as though time had not passed.  While Mandy acts out on her and her mother’s lack of belief in themselves, David is the one that puts the pieces together and saves the day. But only because each person takes responsibility for their own actions, past and present, to be able to build a new future.

Next up: The Seven Sisters, A Place for Us, and The Alice Network.  Someday I may finish Becoming.  Right now I am bored so I am not wasting my time.

book-review, books, Family Drama, literature, reading

Shelter

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Sometimes things just happen. This winter it has been many things. From a concussed child (cheerleading as a contact sport), a cheating scandal (who knew it is wrong to share views of your work with a “friend”?), family members with a minor stroke, a broken femur, a stay in rehab, monthly shots in the eye(s), and a brand new boss in the mix (first time with a boss in the same country in over 10 years), I have had my fair share. As I look around, however, I see myself still working toward the goals I set when I was much younger, trying to do at least as well as my parents. With college bills coming down the road fast, retirement is nowhere on the horizon.  It is from this place that I began listening to Barbara Kingsolver’s Unsheltered.

This book is a combination of two stories from the same location. We start with Willa, named after the famous author, in her new house that appears to be falling down around her – literally. She receives a call from her son, a brand new father, to say that his partner, Helene had just committed suicide. Their son had been in the bassinet, and was crying like crazy, which is what made Zeke go look in on Helene.  A funeral is made, bags are packed – the house, the car, and the credit card debt all belonged in Helene’s name. Zeke made a pilgrimage to his parent’s home in Vineland with his newborn infant and staggering student debt. He joins his parents, Willa and Yanno, his sister Tig, and Yanno’s father Nick.  Nick is an immigrant from Greece who rails against everyone who is not white or has the same beliefs as he does. He is diabetic, on oxygen, and nearing the end of his life. Yanno had spent years working toward tenure, but never achieving it.  The family had been moving down the rankings at colleges in search of this elusive ticket to a future, security, and an ability to say they succeeded. Tig, who had left the family and come back after a clandestine stay in Cuba, was forever bucking the staunch economic grab of father political scientist and brother economist. She was the scientist that looked at what was there and did not expect more.

In the earlier era, Thatcher brings his wife, sister in law, Polly and their mother back to Vineland after being cast off when their father died and left them penniless in Boston at the mercy of a relative.  Thatcher Goodnow brought them back to the house they loved. That house, designed and built by their father, was falling down around them.  Thatcher, hired as a high school science teacher, was not wealthy, as his wife’s family had been at one time. With the return to the family home, the ladies began to act that way again.  Thatcher saw no way to support these ways, and was fearful he would need to make them leave again.  He was at odds with the school’s principal and the town’s founding father Landry about the theory of evolution.  Thatcher’s neighbor, Mary Treat, was a scientist. She was in contact with Charles Darwin and other prominent scientists of the day.  It was the connection between Thatcher and Mary that helped him understand what was important and what he valued.

This was where things all join.  The two stories are about being open to observing that changes are happening, if you want them to or not. You need to examine what it means, and how you should adapt.  It is those that adapt that will survive.  Do with what you have, enjoy those around you, and know when it is good to retreat.

books, literature, reading

When Giants Fall – Re-examining a favorite author

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Since I read the Nick Adams stories, way back in high school, I have been a fan of Hemingway’s writing. I do admit that I felt a connection, since Horton’s Bay is somewhere I used to walk to on rainy days from my camp on Lake Charlevoix – I had been told that the camp’s property was next to that of Hemingway’s. In college I discovered In Our Times, The Sun Also Rises, and A Farewell to Arms.  He became my favorite writer, and I discovered my father’s favorite too.  I reveled in the crisp, clear sentences, the Code, and the adventure.  Then “people” started questioning why I would like the writing of a sexist man, especially since I am a staunch feminist?  The answer, I found, was as complicated as the author.

In my college years, and many before and after, I clung to the Code that Hemingway had laid out for a Real Man. This code, in my view, is that a person must be strong, embrace life wholly, be open to all possibilities, and always be true to themselves. That meant savoring each bite, drinking the last drop, and being with the person you like right now.  The crazy thing I saw missing from my critic’s view was that in The Sun Also Rises, Brett lived this code perfectly. She did as she pleased regardless of convention. This is why I had loved this book better than the critic’s favorite For Whom the Bell Tolls.  Maria’s passiveness and awakening only with Robert near her seemed simpering to me.

Then I was awakened myself.  I read The Paris Wife, a fictional account of Hemingway’s first marriage. The references to Sherwood Anderson, and others whom were cast off later by “Papa” made me curious.  I took to my father’s bookshelf and snagged Winesberg, Ohio.  Sure enough, the loosely connected stories were crisp and clear, with a code of their own.  Written well before In Our Time.  And I concluded that each of Hemingway’s best works were written when starting a new relationship with a woman that lived his hero’s code better than he did.

Yesterday, when I was reporting my completed reading to my goodreads.com challenge group, I saw that someone was reading Winesberg, Ohio.  After I mentioned that it would make her question Hemingway’s genius, someone shared with me the link to Ellen N. La Motte’s The Backwash of War.  It seems that the model of writing Hemingway laid claim to developing was actually from both Anderson and La Motte.  La Motte’s book has been made available from the Guttenberg Project, and is accessible free of charge from libraries and amazon.  I have just downloaded this, and I am now entering into an uncomfortable place where I need to rethink my reactions to the writing of Hemingway even more deeply. Even if uncomfortable, I will put myself into action (code requirement), be true to myself (code requirement) and decide what I must without looking back (code requirement.)

I will let you know what happens…..

book-review, books, Indian Culture, literature, reading

quest for justice in books and movies

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As everyone gets ready to either watch or avoid the Academy Awards tonight, the number of articles being posted about them is exploding. I read one today on Yahoo.com about how Driving Miss Daisy won the award in 1989, but Spike Lee’s Do The Right Thing was not even nominated. The article went on to detail how race relations in the movies has always been employment based.  The black person is hired as a maid or driver, the friendship is made, and the employer’s racism is lessened. This concept was an important one for me, as I had just finished reading The Space Between Us by Thrity Umrigar.

Set in India, where classism is real and continuing, this is a story of the bonds of friendship that are forged between employee and employer. Sera may be well off, with a beautiful, pregnant daughter and son-in-law living with her after her husband passed away three years earlier, but there is darkness within her. Her husband is survived by a mother, incapacitated by a stroke, who had dominated Sera’s adult life, intent on extracting pain. This trait was passed to her son, who’s need to dominate Sera included the use of his fists.

Bhima, an uneducated but hard working woman, had been courted by Gopol and lived a happy life, until an industrial accident robbed them of 3 fingers, worker’s compensation, and dignity. As Gopol’s slide to despair and pain makes him turn to drink, the joy and caring goes out of the family.

The story, as it unwinds, begins with Bhima’s shame as she sees her 17 year old granddaughter Maya is pregnant and unmarried. Throughout this book, Bhima is on a quest for find justice. What we find, however, is that even with an education, women are at the mercy of men in this society. We also find that women can be even crueler when asked to take sides.

Bhima has given her life and energy to Sera and her family, yet is not allowed to sit on the furniture or use the dishes. While Sera has helped Bhima when Maya came to her, taking an interest in Maya’s education, when faced with realities of Bhima’s life, such as where she lives, Sera remains apart. It is in the end, when real evil is revealed, that the façade is pulled down.

In order to not spoil the story, I will leave it at this: in India the voices of women are marginalized, and the voices of poor women are silenced. In the larger world, this story is yet another tale that in a simple relationship where one holds the power, you need to understand this and not give up too much of yourself. Unless you are fully treated as equal, in the book by being allowed to sit on the chairs to drink from the glasses, in the movie by being allowed to come in to sit next to Miss Daisy as they hear MLK, Jr. there will always remain a barrier to equality. Even if there is deep companionship.  This struggle continues today, not just in India, but everywhere that people are not equal. Economic, spiritual, racial, and gender identifications are all ways in which the world has been divided, and remains so. Those in power, as in the book, will do everything to keep their power, regardless of the cost to others.

book-review, books, literature, reading

death with a small “d”

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I have been struggling to complete a book, Death with Interruptions by Jose Santiago, that had sounded amazing to me. The description on the dust cover was compelling me to read this book. Yet, whenever I picked up the book, I dreaded moving forward. The story plodded along, the structure was where basic punctuation was not included. Paragraphs were pages long. Dialogue was not distinguished between people. The book lulls you into a state everything is expected, yet nothing is.  It is in this manner that the book discusses how death (with a small d) decides not to work after the New Year begins.

At first, everyone is surprised, happy even, to have beaten death at her own game. They celebrate until they realize the consequences. First the funeral directors, then hospitals and assisted living facilities, Insurance companies and even the church, all struggle to find meaning for themselves in this strange world. Families are left watching those they love suffer indefinitely. They can bear it no longer, and neither can those that suffer. A way to put the balance of life back in order is found. Profiteers abound to take over and the money cycle, just like the life cycle, begins again.  As the country adjusts to a new “normal” death again steps in. A letter, on violet stationary, is received by a minister of government, and the contents are announced on television. Every person going forward will receive a letter one week in advance to allow them to settle affairs. This continues until a letter is returned, not once but twice to death.

As she explores the reasons why this would happen, as never before had death’s call been challenged in such a way, she begins to follow the cellist the card was meant for. She takes human form and presents herself to him. In the end, she stays in his embrace.

The metaphor this provides is overwhelming. The more we change the order of life, the expectations of life, the more the world works to change it back. Yet, at its core, this is a story of a need for connected-ness. How to connect a family instead of tearing it apart with death. How to allow for closure before dying. How to embrace life before letting go.

So glad I finished this. It was just hard to do. Just like life.

skull-reaper-linocut-illustration

book-review, books, Indigenous American, literature, reading

Refugee Problems in 1988 – the Kingsolver way

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The first Barbara Kingsolver book I read was The Poisonwood Bible. It was soon after the release. Since then I have been reading as many of her books as I can. She is a storyteller extraordinaire.  As I was looking at my 50 States challenge, I realized I didn’t have a book for Arizona, and fell upon The Bean Trees.  One of her earlier books, this one focuses on a young woman that leaves the poverty of Kentucky to find her way in the world. She jumps in a car that is broken down, but moving, and heads west. As she goes through Oklahoma, she finds herself on Cherokee land. Here, she is faced with true need, and her fate is handed to her, literally.

As she continues her journey, she witnesses the worst that the world can be to others – especially children – and yet she remains surprised with each revelation. Her car finally gives out in Arizona, and she finds her way through the kindness of strangers. These people become her family, her home, and she comes to terms with the understanding that she was a refugee from Kentucky looking for a better life, just as refugees from other countries come to the US for another chance. Each has their past, but each also looks to the future with hope. The bean trees growing in Maddie’s back yard take root where they are, even though they came from so far away. Just like the people who tend them.

With the immigration issues still as difficult now as when the book was published, the story remains as relevant today as it did in 1988.  With this, and Letters from a Woman Homesteader, I can fill in Arizona and Wyoming on my 50 states list under the At Home Travel Log. And I will keep looking for more of Kingsolver’s books. I have never been disappointed.

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book-review, books, literature, reading

Off to a Slow Start

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The polar vortex may only be headed my way right now, but my brain appears to be frozen. While I may seem to be off to a good start of my new reading goals, I am not spending the time doing the actual reading lately. I have all these books checked out of the library, and I have picked them up and opened them, but for some reason I don’t understand, I am struggling to dive in.

My current theory is that the new ice age that seems to be starting is what is paralyzing me.

Not really, but maybe?

Sometimes, even if you are a big reader, you just need some time to be you. I notice that when I dive into a book, just like the water, I become immersed within the people and place. I put the book down reluctantly. The feelings and sensations that are tied to the book come with me – and not everyone around me understands because they had not been on that journey with me only 2 minutes ago, even if I was sitting next to them.

It is in this frame of mind that I listened to Autumn by Ali Smith. This story is a combination of memories and dreams of the main characters. Childhood for Elisabeth was greatly influenced by her neighbor, Daniel. She spent many hours with him as an “unpaid babysitter” after moving in when she was 10. He helps her see the world through new eyes. Each time he greeted her, he asked what she had been reading lately. He also played a game of describing art to her with words. She went on to study art at University and ended up writing her dissertation on the artist’s work that Daniel had described to her as a child. Throughout the story, Elisabeth is sitting by the bed as Daniel is unconscious near the end of his life. As her mother enjoys a newfound life, and Elisabeth is asked to face what her next step is, the concept of what is love is explored – between friends, across ages, regardless of gender. How you approach your life at each stage is important. Knowing what book you are reading – even if you are just thinking about it, opens all sort of new worlds to you. If you only let it.

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book-review, books, Family Drama, memoir, Non-Fiction, reading

Educated: a memoir of survival

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Tara is a child that has defied all sorts of odds to get to where she is today. She has survived a bi-polar father, a subservient wife, a violent brother, and all kinds of wounds both physical and psychological.

While I understand that there are groups of people that resist the government at all costs, it is always amazing to me that they do so by keeping those around them ignorant. No TV, no books, no contact with outsiders. This keeps those around the charismatic leader dependent upon them for any information. This is the typical manner that the male establishment has maintained control over women. This establishment includes religious establishment.

It is not surprising that when Tara earns a scholarship to Cambridge, she begins to read the foundational Mormon texts differently. As with many other religious texts, the undercurrent of a woman’s place in the home is strong. The weapon of ignorance continues today to be wielded against women from here to the Middle East and back. When women have no other information or source, the history they know is only the one told by the man. And we all know, history is shaped by the winner.  By creating the history, there is only one future for women in the world.
Throughout the story of her childhood and growing awareness of the world, we hear how her father decided her mother should be a mid-wife, even though she was terrified. How her father decided they were leaving Utah in the middle of the night in a snow storm, ending in a car wreck that almost killed the entire family. How her father put her brother on a beam that he dropped approximately 12 feet from, sat him up and went back to work. All his many children were scared of him and the end of the world he kept predicting.  The family had weapons, fuel and food to last many years when the world was to end at Y2K, and were sure the Feds were going to kill them like they did the Weavers. All history and facts came through her father.

As Tara begins to experience the outside world, she learns facts and history she never knew. The Holocaust, Civil Rights Movement, and the story of Ruby Ridge, where the Weavers were killed. All were either new to her or new details were revealed that showed the original information to be false.

She is conflicted with wanting something else while still wanting the familiar. The fact that the root of the word is family is not coincidental. As she begins to read, to work, and to learn she begins living separate lives, keeping them away from each other. She cannot reconcile the two. At one point she wonders if she had become too educated to be part of her family. Ultimately the cost of learning and becoming a Phd was her family. With the majority of the family economically dependent upon the parents, they are able to keep them doing as the father wants. Other siblings that have been able to leave and educate themselves, also Phds, are on the outside.

The thing that causes the great rift is that she speaks out about her brother’s physical abuse to her and her sister. She did so in support of her sister, Audrey. The cost to Audrey was too high – to be cut off from her economic support (both she and her husband worked for her father) and to be cast out of the family while living minutes from them was too dear to pay.

Throughout the story of her life there are moments where she is told to stay in the kitchen where she belongs, that she should not tempt men, and that she deserved to be beaten, that she was not dating as commanded by the Mormon Church. These conflicts will remain with her always. The ultimate price to pay for being your own person in this family is to be cast out. Tara was lucky that so many were cast out she was able to go to her aunt and state she would ignore what her father claimed of the aunt if the favor was returned. That family – previously lost to her – is what sustains her now.

In the face of so many obstacles, her ability to survive on her own terms is the legacy the family gave her. A brave woman, stronger than even she knows.

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books, reading

Back at it – 2019 has begun

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Ending the year 2018 with a big historical biography has slowed me down. While it was an amazing book, Clara Barton was a complex individual with a spine of steel, and a depth I had not fully appreciated prior to reading this biography, the dense volume took much time to digest. I ended up taking the last week off before year end with no reading at all. All in all, the year of 2018 was a successful reading one for me. 2019 is looking to be another one.

This year I am continuing with the reading challenges that I found last year. These are right up my alley – one is reading about different cultures – and I am excited to see what I am going to mark off my personal around the world book challenge. The first challenge to be tackled by me, however, is from my TBR list – The Bookshop of Yesterdays.

The main character is named for Miranda in Shakespeare’s The Tempest, and the bookstore she inherits is Prospero Books. The story begins when Miranda hears that her Uncle Billy, whom she has not seen or heard from in 16 years, has died. Billy was known for his scavenger hunts – and he sent one to Miranda after his death. She returns from Philadelphia to California to find out what happened. Throughout the story, the mystery of why Billy disappeared on her 12th birthday is driving her forward to reveal the secrets her parents have kept from her. The parallels to The Tempest abound through the book, and I am sure I would have noticed more if I had actually read Shakespeare’s story. If you are familiar with the book, you will solve this much quicker than if you do not. Either way, the characters are engaging, if playing according to the rules of the original. All in all, this was a good read.