Tag: family

book-review, books, Hispanic and Latinx Cultures, reading

Olga Dies Dreaming by Xochitl Gonzalez

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This book is very complex, but also very simple.

The story begins with us following Olga while she is working to make a bride and her uber-rich family happy by ordering hand-made napkins, while making sure she has added enough to use at her cousin’s wedding in a few weeks. We meet her congressman brother, Prieto, as he greets his constituents – the part of the job he loves most. After he returns to his office, we hear him being summoned for a meeting with Arthur Selby – someone not a constituent or a donor – which will be resentfully attended.

As we learn more from each of these siblings, you learn of how their father Johnny was a revolutionary looking to change schooling to make the next generations of kids more equal, but returned from Vietnam as a heroin addict. After meeting and marrying Blanca, also a revolutionary, they had two children. While clean for a stretch, Johnny descended back into drugs, crack and became infected with HIV/AIDS. Blanca kept her eye on the revolution, giving speeches globally, until one day she left on one of these trips, but never returns. Olga was 13 and Prieto was 17 when their mother left. Because of their father’s habit that kept him in and out of jail, their Abuelita raised them, with the large family all helping.

While physically abandoned, each child continued to hear from Blanca and what she thought of their life choices via mail – no return address and no way to contact her. Neither shared with the other that they received these communications. The revolutionary diet of rhetoric they were brought up on, even with absent parents, impacted them, as did watching their father struggle with trying to provide for them while being chained to his addiction.  

Prieto took a grassroots approach to this revolution, first as a councilman, then as a congressman. Teased as “pollyanna” he didn’t have a side hustle – something that everyone else seemed to have going as an open secret. Olga took the educational route, gaining entry into an ivy league school where she looked safe enough, but never felt like she fit in or what to do next. Getting in had been the goal for her, while for those of Ivy-type families it was only the start of the chase.

Both siblings were faced with the realities of what the “establishment” was and how this establishment abused the power of it. Those with money, status, and skin were always plotting to keep it, and more importantly keep it from people not like them. Because of the systemic biases that have been built into all systems, education, housing, pay, healthcare and more, life is stacked against everyone “else.” The story highlights how people of color must decide on buying into the establishment version of success, or their own culture’s version.

The story is about how to use power to get what you want. It also highlights that these traits exists on both sides of the coin – the revolutionary mother was manipulating them and countless others to get what she wanted. It is the extremes of each side that pit us against each other – and that power itself, regardless of where it comes from, corrupts.

Extremely well written, engaging and thought provoking. This story of disenfranchisement, hidden secrets and the desire to be loved lays bare that we each must find our own definition of success, embrace the life you have and be open to ask for help when you need it.  

book-review, books, Hispanic and Latinx Cultures, reading

Hispanic Heritage Month 2021

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In honor of Hispanic Month (September 15, 2021 – October 15, 2021), I decided to read about a place I didn’t know much about.  Cuba, an island that was forbidden, ruled by a man that lived longer than anyone expected, cut off from its closest neighbor, with its people fleeing on makeshift rafts at sea.  What did I know about this island?  Bits and pieces – the Cuban Missile Crisis, the Bay of Pigs, Cuban cigars, and the place where Sky Masterson takes Sarah Brown in Guys and Dolls.  I figured it was time to learn more about the people, and maybe something about the politics of the place.

Since I love historical fiction, and learn about cultures and how they got there from novels, it made sense for me to pick one for the task.  Next Year in Havana is a mix of historical details, sociological analysis, and a love story.  Told from two women’s perspectives and times – Elisa Perez, debutante Cuban in high society of 1958 and Marisol Ferrera, freelance writer and member of Miami’s Cuban exile community in 2017. 

Marisol, raised by her grandmother Elisa, is coming home to Cuba, where her grandparents fled with the family when Castro took over.  She brings with her memories of stories told to her about the way things had been, and a tin containing the ashes of her grandmother, who told her those stories.  Marisol is to find the final resting place for the ashes in Elisa’s beloved Cuba.  Met at the airport by Elisa’s childhood best friend’s grandson, Marisol comes into possession of a pack of love letters from her grandmother to a man that was not her grandfather.  This leads her on a quest for the truth.

Then, as before, asking questions can be bad for your health.  Through eyes of revolutionaries, each woman in her time is faced with the stark reality that their lives were pampered, and that poverty was real and near.  The details on how hard life had been on those that remained in Cuba, making a life through the hardships, versus those that left Cuba and settled in Miami clinging to what Cuba had been.  It even goes into some detail on how the island nation had always wanted to be free, but was always at a larger country’s whim – America, Russia, and even Venezuela.  The war that brought about Castro’s revolution, and the war that put Batista in power before him, were all about democracy – and the hope to return to constitutional law.

Ultimately, the question “are you a Cuban first or an American first”, and what that means to those that stayed and those that left simmers under the surface, as does the uneasy peace made to allow the regimes continue the grip on the people.  Love, family love, romantic love, and love of country are at odds with each other in this novel.  Nothing is easy, choices must be made, and you make the best of what you are given. 

Other books that I have enjoyed from Hispanic authors, in no particular order:

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Chronicle of a Death Foretold by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende

How the Garcia Girls Lost their Accent by Julia Alverez

In the Time of Butterflies by Julia Alverez

Afterlife by Julia Alverez

The Alchemist by Pualo Coehlo

Black Experience, book-review, books, reading

The book of lost friends

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This is a book with at least two stories, all that intersect around family, and history.  We start meeting Benedetta Silva, known as Benny as she starts her first job teaching at a poor rural school in Louisiana to help pay off her student debt.  Although she is white, she is living in poverty until her first paycheck arrives.  She is intimidated by the unruly teens that await her, fighting with each other, and never listening.  She tries everything to get them engaged, even buying treats for those that are hungry from her low salary. 

Next we meet Hannie and her slave family were being moved from Louisiana to Texas by a relative to keep them from being set free.  Out of sight of the owners, the relative starts to sell off the family in ones or twos the whole way there.  The last to be sold, Hannie finally gets the buyer to understand that she was stolen and sold away from her rightful owner.  Along the way, she had kept track of who was sold where, in the hopes to reunite with them in the future.

As we follow Hannie, who is returned to the original plantation alone but strikes out as a sharecropper with a few other slaves that had remained, we see that she is smart and resourceful.  Lavinia, the plantation owner’s pampered daughter, meets with Juneau Jane, the plantation owner’s mulatto daughter by his mistress.  Afraid that Lavinia’s arrival meant that the head of the Gossett plantation was dead, Hannie listens in to find out what is happening because there was only one year left on the lease before the sharecropping land was to be free and clear for her and those working it.  The three end up in an odyssey to find the father, to determine who was entitled to what property.  At one point the three end up in a church, where the walls were covered in posters of letters to friends, where people were looking to reconnect with those that had been sold away. 

Benny, who is renting out a home near the plantation because it was the cheapest she could find, needs help when the roof starts to leak. Through this challenge, Benny meets marvelous women that have kept the community together and give Benny hope for surviving.  Through the stories that Benny hears from Mrs T, she decides that this is the story that would resonate with her students, and asks her to come and tell it to the kids.  The kids are hooked and come up with a way to bring the stories to life.  While not approved by the school board, made up of rich white folks, the stories are coming from the Carnegie Library, a source of pride of the community at one time.  Facing a threatening police force, and the school board that sends their own kids to a private school instead, Benny is told to just let the kids get a vocational education as they were not better than that. 

Throughout the chapters flipping between the two, actual letters written and sent are included.  These had been published in the Southern Methodist newspaper and was shared via pulpits across the country.  The heartwrenching stories behind each of these hit home for me.  I did not know that these adverts had been created for people to finds each other in the late 1800 – early 1900s.  I did, however, understand these completely.  As a Jew, I am fully aware that after WWII, the same was happening in the displacement camps throughout Europe with people searching for any connections that may be left.  It is the guilt at being alive, combined by the fear of being alone, that makes these so sad.  While the longing is always there, sometimes it is easier not to ask the question for fear of the answer.

That also is true when it comes to a hard past.  In the Louisiana is the reality that slavery did happen.  Ancestors we part.  But in order to remain in power, the stories and intimidation continued.  It is this need to keep the power structure as it is, and the fear of what will happen if it is not, that keeps the true history of the plantation and those that lived on it.  Until you face the choices that you made, good or bad, and acknowledge them, you are doomed to spend your life covering up for them. 

book-review, Family Drama, read around the world, romance

Lucinda Riley’s The Sun Sister

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Some times life can overwhelm you, and you just want to escape. That is the best time to pick up a good book and dive on in. Last week I took the opportunity to do that with the sixth book in Lucinda Riley’s Seven Sisters series, The Sun Sister.

As a reminder, this series is centered around a family of adopted daughters – six in total, that are named for the Seven Sisters constellation. Each is brought to their adoptive father’s home in Geneva but none ask for information on where they have come from. After Pa mysteriously dies and the body is whisked away, there remains some questions about what has happened. Coordinates are left for where they were born, as well as a quote to start them on their quest. The sister’s stories are all explored in each book. In this book, Electra is the focus. The sixth sister, she is a famous model, who is drowning herself in vodka and sleeping pills. After a breakup with Mitch, a rock star that she thought was “the one,” Electra has been using alcohol and pills to face each day, quieting the voices in her head. She had run away from her boarding schools, and was expelled from others. She had moved to Paris at 16 and was discovered at the café she was working as a waitress at. From that time, she had been on the road constantly. One evening Mitch told her she he was going to announce his engagement to another woman, and all Electra’s belongings that had been at his house were returned via moving van. It is in these boxes that the final letter from Pa and the coordinates are found. Electra finds out she has a grandmother. Electra downed at least one bottle of vodka and an unknown number of sleeping pills, and her assistant found her and helps her survive what could have been a fatal mistake. After this, Electra agrees to enter a rehab center recommended by her sister.

As the story progresses, we learn a story from her Grandmother, Stella. Cecily, a woman in 1930s New York society, is abandoned by her fiancé, and suffers the humiliation of being overlooked as the former future husband introduces a new woman as his new fiancé weeks after the breakup. In order to remove herself from the snubs that were happening daily, she chooses to travel to Kenya with her godmother, Kiki. Upon the insistence of her mother, Cecily goes via England, to stay with her mother’s best friend. While there she is romanced by the heir to the earldom, who disappears before she leaves. When Cecily and Kiki finally arrive in Kenya, Cecily is overwhelmed by how beautiful the country is. As she meets people and makes friends, and ends up marrying Bill. As their story progresses, you see glimpses of “Out of Africa” on the love and beauty of Kenya, misunderstanding and forgiveness.

As both stories are unravelled, the stark reality of race relations is examined. It is revealed that Electra is black, and that has kept her felling different and outside always. These themes were more serious than the other sister’s, so I was much more wrapped up in the story here, both for Cecily and for Electra.

I started the series last year, not realizing that I was going to catch up and overtake the author in the books being finished. This one was published in October – and now I probably have to wait two years to finish this series. It will be hard but I have no choice.

books, read around the world, reading

Year End Review

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As this year draws to an end, I reflect back on what I have read and what I have experienced. This year was a difficult one in terms of meeting my goals. With the significant shift in the workload at the office, I spent much more time listening to books in the car as my commute doubled. My once happily reading slant to old fashion books was, for the first time ever, over 60% listened to! This, in light of the fact I have only been listening to books for about three years, I was blown away.

Over this year, I have been working on my at home travel log, as well as the Goodread’s Horizons, where a different part of the world was chosen for each month. As I previously reported, I have now completed my tour of the United States, and I am over half my way through the 100 countries I have identified. As I was stretching myself geographically, I also expanded my reading horizons to include more memoirs (11), and essays (5). My two favorite memoirs this year included An Odyssey: a father and son by Daniel Mendelson and We should all be feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. These were thought provoking and brought me to action, even if in different ways.

As I mentioned earlier, this year has been a difficult one. I selected some titles that I would not usually in order to expand my horizons. The President’s Garden by Muhsin Al-Ramli, Chronicle of a last summer: a novel of Egypt by Yasmine El Rashidi, and In the time of butterflies by Julia Alvarez were all fiction based upon the realities of political horrors in Iraq, Egypt and the Dominican Republic. Each show the consequences of being honest in a society that is not open. Powerful in their own ways, each are a testament to those that survived the brutality and confusion.

Other authors take the horrors and stand them on their head. Examples of these include A woman in Jerusalem by A.B. Yehoshua, Death with Interruptions by Jose Saramago, and Death is Hard Work by Khaled Khalifa. In each, death is what starts everything. As assumptions on what should be and who should care, the absurdities of a corpse being arresting in Syria, or detained in Russia, can not be minimized. But when it is Death sending engraved letters that she is coming soon, that takes a whole new level. These were even more poignant to me as I face aging parents, and friends who are experiencing deaths that are way too early to have to face.

I have learned about the history of Mormons, the tranquility of Hawaii’s royal family, the breadth and depth of the Ojibwe, the brains of Hedy Lamar and the lengths men go to deny beautiful women, and that a fictional rock band can feel all too real. In the end, I feel that I have learned much more about people of my world, and hope that I can extend empathy towards others. I fear there is too little of this currently. I hope to bring more tolerance to others through what I have learned from these books.

Happy reading in 2020.

book-review, books, literature, Middle Eastern, read around the world, reading

Chronicle of a last summer

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As the summer of 2019 draws to an end, there is much in the world that has not changed in the last 30 years, and yet there is also much that has changed.  One place where this is most evident is in the Middle East.  Conflicts there go back millenniums.  In the cradle of civilization – Egypt – there is a long history of rulers and those that overthrow them.  The monuments built to honor these rulers are a never ending source of fascination and discovery.

Modern Egypt, however, has had its own struggles.  Since the British came to install a monarchy there have been struggles between those in power and those that are not.  If you have not read The Palace Walk by Mahfouz, you truly need to.  His descriptions of the household take me back to those that Henry James wrote in his novels – with the position of the shades helping to illustrate the manners of those that inhabit the home.

In this month’s Horizon’s challenge to read something from Egypt, I therefore picked Chronicles of a Past Summer by Yasmine El Rashidi. An Egyptian author, this is another book that was translated to English. Although at times I felt that the translation was a bit flat in tone, the story was so compelling that I remained dwelling on this for days.  The story is told by a woman who grows up through the book.  You are never given her name.  At the start she is 6 years old and Sadat had just been murdered.  Her father has disappeared, and her mother sits on the phone talking in foreign languages so she doesn’t understand what is being said.  The girl sits with her mother in front of the TV with 3 channels, all muted.  There is only state run programs, and they are only available for parts of the day.  The power is cut off for at least one hour a day, and the summer has been hotter than she has ever experienced.  She is living in the home her mother grew up in, with her grandmother and aunt (Nesma) living downstairs.  Nesma has downs syndrome and must be cared for. She was hidden away in the house and the family did not speak of her much.  Her grandmother, however, had people streaming in and out of the apartment, which was filled with food, conversation and debates.  This is a metaphor for the country.  While there are people invited in to celebrate all that is good, there remains parts of the country that are closed off to others who must speak the proper language to get what they need or want. It appears that the mother’s family was connected to Sadat, and when the Brotherhood murders him, there is great turmoil in who will take over.  The girl, however, does not ask questions or understands much, and simply goes with the flow of the tide.

After a time we return to the girl, now in college.  The downstairs part of the house has been closed off, as the grandmother and Nesma have died – the old and innocent ways are now gone.  She begins to see things around her. Her cousin Dido meets with her often, speaking of politics and trying to get the girl to write a book about what is happening.  She is not as convinced, since she is still learning what her voice is. They drift apart as he becomes more strident in his protests against the government. He wants the overthrow of President Mubarak.  There is now tv that runs all day long, but there are still cutoffs happening to the power.  There are discussions on how Nasser – the first revolutionary in modern times, was idealistic, but made mistakes by promising to give away things. That sapped the desire to work, and corrupted others into just hustling to not pay for anything.

More time goes, and the girl is now in Graduate School.  She has lost touch with Dido because she was not as passionate about speaking out as he is. Her father returns home with no explanation. She begins to film documentaries. As she spends more time with her father, he begins to explain that the more things change the more they stay the same.  Another leader promising better futures, and the delivery of those promises are not achievable, or can even be detrimental. Anything to move them forward. The power cuts still come, but now for about one hour a day. Dido is in jail and will pay the full price for his dissidence.

In the last section of the book, the girl, now older again, has come to the conclusion that there is a cycle of hope and disillusionment that they are caught up in. It keeps circling and repeating itself. It will not stop if you are silent, nor if you speak. We just keep the record playing until there is a scratch that does not allow for the same thing to continue.  That typically means another revolution is on its way.

 

 

 

 

book-review, books, Family Drama, literature, Middle Eastern, read around the world, reading

Does peace have a chance?

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The topic of death is as old as we are. Death can be quite, loud, soft or hard. It is especially hard when it comes in the aftermath of a battle or war.  Eras are defined then by what is said about them when it is all done. The scars are deep, and as always, the artists and writers are the ones that are able to communicate the worlds of before, during and after.  I have explored this before, but I return to this after I read Death is Hard Work by Khaled Khalifa.

The plot of the book is simple enough:  a father dies after extracting a promise from his eldest son. That promise is that the son, known as Bolbol, will take his father to be buried in his home town, next to his sister.  In normal times this would not be a large request.  Difficulties abound in Damascus, where Abdel Latif died of old age amid the chaos of the dead from the Syrian civil war.  Bolbol enlists his siblings, Hussein and Fatima to help. From the outset there was reluctance to do this, because it could be fatal to attempt, but they grudgingly come together.  They are forced to take the body from the morgue and transport it via Hussein’s minibus because there was no other way. As the three children come together, we begin to learn their personal stories, as well as the father’s.

There are many ways to interpret the story and the characters.  The body of the idealistic, harsh, and dead father is the death of the ideals of what war was based upon. The condition of the body, and the absurdity that it goes through can only be a statement on the beliefs of any group.  As time wages on, the idealism falls to power grabs and pure greed, with the ideals rotting from within. The same is true of the body – and all that come near are assaulted by the smell, but let it pass.  It is before it begins to decay that the military try to arrest the dead man.

The two brother’s stories were sad in that each tried their own way, and each ended up alone. One went out to find riches and power, and became a glorified runner for a gang.  The other was too afraid to search for riches, so lived his life to keep others away, living in a world of his own making in his mind. Both were trying to be on their own outside the family, but being drawn back in as they got closer to Anabiya.  Their sister, Fatima, was the least drawn out character. Her Aunt Layla wanted to continue to learn, but was promised in marriage instead. She warned them that she would rather set herself on fire than marry, and she did set herself aflame on the roof just before the marriage was to take place. She was buried alone and was a stain on the family’s name. Fatima came on the journey and was mistreated by Hussein, ignored when she fretted over the condition of the body, and ultimately rendered mute by the end of the journey. The statement that this makes on the journey of women is overwhelming. We have gone from being ignored of what we say and having that be a stigma on the family name, to not even being able to speak.  This is underlined in the book that the closer they got to the family home, the more she was asked to cover up.  So much so that Abdel Latif is ultimately not buried next to his sister because others felt she should be forgotten, even when she was not.

The concept of revenge means that the anger is never done – the blood will continue to flow.  Just as the rabid dogs try to get the decaying body, those rabid followers of the ideas will never stop now that they have tasted blood.

As a statement on the possibility of peace, this story is not one that I enjoyed. It was, I believe, an indictment on the state that the Middle East, and other areas of the world. Until the need for revenge and the taste of blood is not needed, this absurdity will continue.

book-review, books, Family Drama, literature, Middle Eastern, reading

A Place for Us by Fatima Farheen Mirza

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A family is complex in many ways. This is a story of a Muslim couple that came to the US as newlyweds, created a family within their community and sought to pass on the things they felt were important to keeping their children safe and successful within that community.

Told from different family voices, this starts with a daughter’s wedding. Amar, the only son, has been estranged from the family, but you don’t know why at this point. The story goes through the past, with different views of the same situations they have gone through. Starting with Layla, the mother, and then going through each of the children’s stories and reactions, and ending with the father’s. Due to this being a Muslim based family, this is an interesting order.  This puts the voices of women up front first, something that is unexpected due to the typical roles in that society that exist.

THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS SPOILERS TO THE STORY.  PLEASE STOP IF YOU DON”T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS BEFORE YOU READ IT – AND I SUGGEST YOU LET IT UNFOLD IN THE MANNER IT WAS WRITTEN.

 

 

 

The first story is Layla’s. You learn of the hardships of leaving her country to follow the man her parents selected for her to marry. She portrays herself as someone that was obedient, did as she was told, and kept to the back of the line. She details how she has grown personally, going from being afraid to be close her own drapes when her husband started to travel for work to creating a cohesive unit that functioned well without Rafiq, her husband. She speaks of the tension and fear that the children have of him, and how she kept information from him, especially about Amar. There were references to going to school to be told by the teachers that he was trouble, even held back in school because he wouldn’t do the work. He was stubborn beyond what she had ever seen, and it was worse against Rafiq. He was painting his nails with his sister, and cooking with his mother.  This led me to believe he was gay and the end was going be because his father threw him out.

Haida’s story is about how she had been his best confidant. Amar had always looked to her to help him. She was the smart sister, the protector sister, the one that kept his secrets.  As her story unfolds, however, it is apparent that she was in competition for her father’s attention. She was given her grandfather’s watch – something that should have been passed father to son, as it had to Rafiq. She was marrying in a love match, not an arranged marriage. She did, however, do the full Indian wedding. He was not from the community, but the parents accepted him. This led me to believe that the father was beating Amar, but he probably was not gay.

Huda, the second sister, was the one that could get him do to things. She did keep information from Amar about his secret love, undermining him in different ways.  This led me to believe that there was something going on with Amar.

Amar’s story unfolds with how he was afraid of his father, struggled with his faith. He went against his community by speaking with a girl, falling in love with her. He had been smoking and drinking, but tried to give up this for her. When the girl’s parents find out, they forbid her from seeing him. The pain makes him seek anything that will take the pain away. The girl is at the wedding, and they sneak off to talk. He tells of his drug use, showing the pin prick scars from the needles. She tells Amar that his mother was the one who told her parents. A drunk Amar confronts his mother at the wedding, making a mess. This led me to believe that it was the mother that ruined things, and the father supported her.

Then the father’s story.  The man that everyone was afraid of.  He was orphaned at the age of 16, when his mother died, and only 13 when his father passed away. Rafiq wanted to be a good father, but was open about how many mistakes he made.  He was tough on Amar, hoping to give him the motivation to strive for something to be successful, all within the community and faith he was passing down. It was Rafiq who discovered the drug needles, even though Haida had taken the drugs from him before. It was Rafiq who knew about the love affair, that didn’t put a stop to it because the thought it was good for Amar, even if he knew it would end in heartbreak. Rafiq supported his daughters to being a successful doctor and a successful teacher.  He supported them that Haida selected her own husband, and Huda did also – one from within and one not from their Muslim community. This provides significant context for the family, and the “blame” game shifts significantly to the mother.

As the story kept unfolding, the complexity of who was “at fault” completely turned on its head. Each story justifies each person’s actions and reactions. With family, there is never a clear cut black and white answer to anything. Each action and statement comes with a lifetime of perceptions and experiences from the point of view of the speaker. The underlying faith throughout – that there is one G-d and that G-d is great is always there.  It is that that carries us all through.

This is a story of a family, struggling to know each other’s hearts as they grow to find their own place in the world. Just like any other family in the world.

book-review, books, Family Drama, memoir, Non-Fiction, reading

Educated: a memoir of survival

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Tara is a child that has defied all sorts of odds to get to where she is today. She has survived a bi-polar father, a subservient wife, a violent brother, and all kinds of wounds both physical and psychological.

While I understand that there are groups of people that resist the government at all costs, it is always amazing to me that they do so by keeping those around them ignorant. No TV, no books, no contact with outsiders. This keeps those around the charismatic leader dependent upon them for any information. This is the typical manner that the male establishment has maintained control over women. This establishment includes religious establishment.

It is not surprising that when Tara earns a scholarship to Cambridge, she begins to read the foundational Mormon texts differently. As with many other religious texts, the undercurrent of a woman’s place in the home is strong. The weapon of ignorance continues today to be wielded against women from here to the Middle East and back. When women have no other information or source, the history they know is only the one told by the man. And we all know, history is shaped by the winner.  By creating the history, there is only one future for women in the world.
Throughout the story of her childhood and growing awareness of the world, we hear how her father decided her mother should be a mid-wife, even though she was terrified. How her father decided they were leaving Utah in the middle of the night in a snow storm, ending in a car wreck that almost killed the entire family. How her father put her brother on a beam that he dropped approximately 12 feet from, sat him up and went back to work. All his many children were scared of him and the end of the world he kept predicting.  The family had weapons, fuel and food to last many years when the world was to end at Y2K, and were sure the Feds were going to kill them like they did the Weavers. All history and facts came through her father.

As Tara begins to experience the outside world, she learns facts and history she never knew. The Holocaust, Civil Rights Movement, and the story of Ruby Ridge, where the Weavers were killed. All were either new to her or new details were revealed that showed the original information to be false.

She is conflicted with wanting something else while still wanting the familiar. The fact that the root of the word is family is not coincidental. As she begins to read, to work, and to learn she begins living separate lives, keeping them away from each other. She cannot reconcile the two. At one point she wonders if she had become too educated to be part of her family. Ultimately the cost of learning and becoming a Phd was her family. With the majority of the family economically dependent upon the parents, they are able to keep them doing as the father wants. Other siblings that have been able to leave and educate themselves, also Phds, are on the outside.

The thing that causes the great rift is that she speaks out about her brother’s physical abuse to her and her sister. She did so in support of her sister, Audrey. The cost to Audrey was too high – to be cut off from her economic support (both she and her husband worked for her father) and to be cast out of the family while living minutes from them was too dear to pay.

Throughout the story of her life there are moments where she is told to stay in the kitchen where she belongs, that she should not tempt men, and that she deserved to be beaten, that she was not dating as commanded by the Mormon Church. These conflicts will remain with her always. The ultimate price to pay for being your own person in this family is to be cast out. Tara was lucky that so many were cast out she was able to go to her aunt and state she would ignore what her father claimed of the aunt if the favor was returned. That family – previously lost to her – is what sustains her now.

In the face of so many obstacles, her ability to survive on her own terms is the legacy the family gave her. A brave woman, stronger than even she knows.

close up of woman working
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

books, reading

From Riyadh to Memphis

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As the world gets busy preparing for holidays, I got busy to move more books off my TBR list.  The library came through and delivered me a book to check off a country on my armchair travel list – Saudi Arabia.  Girls of Riyadh by Rajaa Alsanea, translated by Marilyn Booth was a hit in the region, and I was excited to read about life from a woman’s point of view. The book, relating the quest for love by 4 women of Saudi, is told by an unnamed person writing emails to an email group. The names of the friends were changed, but the reality of the “lives” was shared by this third person.  I admit I was expecting anything but what I got. This book was related as though the emails were sent in 2004-2005. The lives of these women, while striving for love and self worth, are complex and rich. While the society does impact who and how they can be, they all take different paths to finding themselves and their own voices. And even if you don’t like which path they took, you are faced with the undisputed fact that they did all choose their own paths.

While I was reading this story of choosing paths, I was also reading Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingate.  In a different era, there was a horrible person that brokered babies, stealing them from poor parents and not providing safety or food properly, while doing the “good work” of finding homes for some children.  As the story is pieced together, the girls that are the focus are the “strong” ones – favorites of the fathers.  Both do their best to keep the family together, placing that above all else, until they are both faced with the fact that they need to put themselves first.  In doing so, they find a new peace.

In both cultures, across the span of time, the central characters don’t feel they have the ability to make a choice other than what their family wanted. And while the strong are the only ones left standing, the key to survival and happiness is always being true to who you are and who you want to be.

woman wearing hijab
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